 |
10-24-2011, 08:49 PM
|
#1
|
|
The Gunny
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Eastern,Iowa
Posts: 2,981
Liked 350 Times on 218 Posts
Likes Given: 159
|
Halloween Story
Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 12.01 a.m. on Friday. On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public Intoxication. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, "You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around," he stated in a telephone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin." Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? ****...is it midnight already?"
__________________
"Regardless of whether justified of not, you will feel sad about killing another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature." - Joe B Fricks.
Member:
01 FFL, GOFFA, NRA, GOA, IAVA, VFW, ABATE of Iowa D15.
|
|
|
|
10-24-2011, 08:52 PM
|
#2
|
|
I'd rather my own son see me die on my feet as a free man, than watch him go, broken, into slavery.
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: West, by God, Funroe,Louisiana
Posts: 14,117
Liked 4299 Times on 2585 Posts
Likes Given: 47
|
I've heard this before, I think it's real.
No matter though, even if it's just a story, it's still funny.
I think it's real, only because I've walked in on someone with a cantaloup. So I know there are those that will do such a thing.
__________________
Come if you must, but only if you must. For the day you find yourself upon my step, will surely be the night you find peace along Jordan's edge.
I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillement of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause, and lies exhausted on the field of battle... Victorious.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
|
|
|
|
|
10-24-2011, 08:58 PM
|
#3
|
|
The Gunny
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Eastern,Iowa
Posts: 2,981
Liked 350 Times on 218 Posts
Likes Given: 159
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by trip286
I've heard this before, I think it's real.
No matter though, even if it's just a story, it's still funny.
I think it's real, only because I've walked in on someone with a cantaloup. So I know there are those that will do such a thing.
|
It's not real, but it's funny as hell! Sorry for your cantaloup experience though, that's a bad thing to walk in on.
__________________
"Regardless of whether justified of not, you will feel sad about killing another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature." - Joe B Fricks.
Member:
01 FFL, GOFFA, NRA, GOA, IAVA, VFW, ABATE of Iowa D15.
|
|
|
|
|
10-24-2011, 09:01 PM
|
#4
|
|
I'd rather my own son see me die on my feet as a free man, than watch him go, broken, into slavery.
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: West, by God, Funroe,Louisiana
Posts: 14,117
Liked 4299 Times on 2585 Posts
Likes Given: 47
|
I haven't eaten a cantaloup since then... but every now and then, I call the guy just so I can say "remember when..."
__________________
Come if you must, but only if you must. For the day you find yourself upon my step, will surely be the night you find peace along Jordan's edge.
I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillement of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause, and lies exhausted on the field of battle... Victorious.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
|
|
|
|
|
10-24-2011, 09:17 PM
|
#5
|
|
Deader Bears=Better Bears
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: BFE,Mississippi
Posts: 14,940
Liked 2455 Times on 1474 Posts
Likes Given: 1924
|
snopes.com: Sex with a Pumpkin
This incident wasn't for real, but there was one with an arrest.
Warm watermelon FTW! 
__________________
Dead Bears, the only good kind.
GANDER MOUNTAIN OF HATTIESBURG, MS IS OVERPRICED, HAS LOUSY CUSTOMER SERVICE, & SELLS BEAT UP PISTOLS TO LITTLE OLD LADIES AS "NEW". :p
|
|
|
|
| Thread Tools |
|
|
| Display Modes |
 Linear Mode
|
|
|
|
