Police were called to a Hillcrest neighborhood early this morning when neighbors reported that a local mom of twins began throwing flaming dirty diapers at a group of people setting off fireworks.
The woman, Ernie Orsborn, became angry over fireworks going off in her neighborhood while her two young children were trying to sleep. Records show repeated calls to 311 reporting the firework violators between 8:30p.m. and 1 a.m.
Around 9:00 Orsborn posted to her twitter account: I mean, if you like fireworks, go to Pops on the River and let us abstained sip our wine in peace as babies sleep.
Witnesses tell us that sometime around 1:30 a.m. she decided to take measures into her own hands.
I heard her yell, you want to see fireworks, here you go *******s, a neighbor tells us. Suddenly I see her holding a diaper bin and a lighter. She started pulling them out one by one and lobbing them over the fence at a group of drunk men shooting bottle rockets at each other. I sort of wanted to go help her throw them.
None of the individuals shooting the fireworks sustained any injuries, although several did have large amounts of child fecal matter on their faces. Police say that the men promptly put away the fireworks and apologized to the angry mother. None of the men are pressing charges according to police.
As of this morning several bottles of wine, fresh fruit, and pastries have been set outside Orsborns house. Neighbors additionally tell us the men in question have spent much of the morning quietly washing Orsborns car, weeding her flowers beds, and pruning her rose bushes while their wives and girlfriends watch from across the street.
She should have started by addressing the neighbor. It sounds like her only contact with them was when she drank too much wine and started flinging flaming poo.
My take on it was that she did try but to no avail. But I am pleased that the next morning nobody was in jail from either side and the guys who were disturbing the peace were making up for their indescretions.
Hilarious. I would say their wives and girlfriends had something to do with the atonement.
Patron Member NRA
"I would not be an old man if I had not been an armed young man." JTJ
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and promoted by mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of feces by the clean end."