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Old 02-12-2011, 09:54 AM   #1201
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"Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again.
Fail better."

-- Samuel Beckett

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Old 02-12-2011, 09:55 AM   #1202
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"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."

-- William Arthur Ward

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Old 02-12-2011, 10:03 AM   #1203
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The battle of Trafalgar can be considered the most decisive naval battle, both tactically and strategically, in history. It not only eliminated Napoleon's plans to invade England, but had also destroyed French naval power and ensured the dominance of the British navy throughout the world.

* Just before Battle - a conversation is overheard on the Deck of HMS Victory;
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."
Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"
Nelson (reading aloud): " England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability." "What gobbledygook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."
Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."
Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."
Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it ...........full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."
Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."
Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be
erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral."
Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."
Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is underrepresented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."
Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"
Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."
Nelson: "What? This is mutiny !"
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."
Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."
Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."
Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."
Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this
multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"
Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."
Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."
Nelson: "In that case ...kiss me, Hardy."

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Old 02-12-2011, 01:17 PM   #1204
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If you don't like it, change it. If you wont change it, accept it. If you wont accept it, shut the fu(k up so the rest of us can.

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Old 02-21-2011, 11:49 AM   #1205
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"It's a good feeling, you know, to shoot a bad guy. Something you Democrats would never understand. Americans... we're homesteaders, we want a safe home, keep the money we make, and shoot bad guys." - Denny Crane, 'Boston Legal'

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Old 02-21-2011, 04:13 PM   #1206
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"Don't Fear Death, Fear the Unlived Life"

by Steven Littleton

He is my youngest son and he came up with this saying and even had it tattooed on his arm

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Old 02-21-2011, 05:11 PM   #1207
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This is gonna hurt you a lot more than it hurts me.
My old man every- time that belt came out.
Looking back on it, that was some funny sh*t, especially since my mom would say the exact opposite to me.

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You must be smokin that liberal sissy ass weed brother.
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Old 02-21-2011, 07:06 PM   #1208
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Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.

...thanks for being the pee in my pants..
.
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Old 02-22-2011, 05:26 AM   #1209
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It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
~George S. Patton

I'm going to break the thread rule, I'm headed off to watch The Pacific. Good night forum.

Good Night Chesty Puller where ever you are.
~Every Marine Recruit at the end of a hard days work

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Old 02-23-2011, 12:50 AM   #1210
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