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Old 03-21-2011, 02:40 PM   #11
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Very well, where do I begin?

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really.

At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.


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Old 03-21-2011, 02:49 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by lonyaeger View Post
Very well, where do I begin?

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really.

At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
All righty, then.............enjoy the week. Say "hi" to minime on my behalf, would you?

Lon, have I ever mentioned that you scare me?


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Old 03-21-2011, 02:53 PM   #13
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Lon, have I ever mentioned that you scare me?
Many times, and that's okay.

I'm actually quite normal.

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Old 03-21-2011, 03:21 PM   #14
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Today is Day 3 of my body being held hostage by Master Cleanse / Fast thanks to my woman and her minions.

I have had one solid meal, out of protest and phsychological need on Sunday afternoon, but other than that it's been all liquid ( no booze Dave, I am sorry to say ) since Saturday morning.

This belief that you will suddenly feel spritely and like a teenager again because the cayenne and maple syrup are fulfilling any nutrional needs and the salt water cleanse is removing toxins from your mistreated body at the rate of a firehose on high pressure is a bunch of BS.

I feel like I could sleep 20 hours straight, which is up from my normal 10 hour request.

I have consumed the approximate quantity of water found in Lake Minnetonka. If I didn't hate the 'taste' of water before, this has officially cemented it firmly into my DNA.

On the bright side I am down over 5 pounds, though I am sure the 5 that I lost were probably equal parts energy, intelligence and Alpha Male.

People actually do this for 10 days straight? No wonder the Muslims are so pissed all the time. This whole "fasting" thing was designed by a degenerate sheep fondler!!
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Old 03-21-2011, 03:27 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by lonyaeger View Post
Very well, where do I begin?

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really.

At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
Darn, I thought this was the start of a letter to Dear Abby not a biography.
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Old 03-21-2011, 03:39 PM   #16
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Today is Day 3 of my body being held hostage by Master Cleanse / Fast thanks to my woman and her minions.

I have had one solid meal, out of protest and phsychological need on Sunday afternoon, but other than that it's been all liquid ( no booze Dave, I am sorry to say ) since Saturday morning.

This belief that you will suddenly feel spritely and like a teenager again because the cayenne and maple syrup are fulfilling any nutrional needs and the salt water cleanse is removing toxins from your mistreated body at the rate of a firehose on high pressure is a bunch of BS.

I feel like I could sleep 20 hours straight, which is up from my normal 10 hour request.

I have consumed the approximate quantity of water found in Lake Minnetonka. If I didn't hate the 'taste' of water before, this has officially cemented it firmly into my DNA.

On the bright side I am down over 5 pounds, though I am sure the 5 that I lost were probably equal parts energy, intelligence and Alpha Male.

People actually do this for 10 days straight? No wonder the Muslims are so pissed all the time. This whole "fasting" thing was designed by a degenerate sheep fondler!!
And you're doing this just for weight loss or for other reasons as well?
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Old 03-21-2011, 03:46 PM   #17
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I forgot to mention one exiting item of the weekend. On Friday night the girlfriend came to me to say "honey, can we talk".(never a good start) So she says she was reading an article on relationships and wanted to "tell me of her needs". After listening politely I said honey I have my own needs. I need to to stop reading these stupid articles.


And then the fight started.
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Old 03-21-2011, 03:46 PM   #18
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And you're doing this just for weight loss or for other reasons as well?
Nah, I am good on weight loss and diet control. I am doing this as a show of support for my woman while she joins her minions at work doing it.

I can't be the unsupporting other half and be eating steaming hot meals twice a day in front of her while she is drinking lemon juice/maple syrup/cayenne pepper and lots of water.
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Old 03-21-2011, 03:48 PM   #19
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I can't be the unsupporting other half and be eating steaming hot meals twice a day in front of her while she is drinking lemon juice/maple syrup/cayenne pepper and lots of water.
I'd be doing that when I wasn't in her presence.
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Old 03-21-2011, 03:50 PM   #20
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Hey JD, you blown your colon yet?


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