Most of you know that Sarge is retired for the third time now and is home during the day. And retired also means that he can stay up as late as he wants and sleep as late as he wants. But this morning he is awaken by a poke in the ribs. It is Lt. Linda, his wife, and she tells him, as she is leaving for work "I will be home late tonight so you will have to cook supper"
He gets a immediate bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. This is terrible news! This is almost as bad as answering the phone and someone saying,"This is the IRS." Yes dear," replies Sarge and rolls over and goes back to sleep. But sleep will not come. Nightmares keep waking Sarge up. An avalance of pots and pans fall on him and send him screaming and bolting straight up out of his bed. Well what to do. Get dressed and face the issue straight on, just like in the Army. Can't be any harder than charging a thousand screaming, shooting, and bombing enemy. Private Trent wanders into the kitchen while Sarge is making a preliminary reconnoiter of the area."Private Trent, the Lt. says I have to cook supper because she is going to be late getting home. Do you have any suggestions?" asks Sarge
"Uhhh, that sounds kind of dangerous Dad, I mean Sarge." replies Private Trent."Why don't we just order in a pizza?" he says. "My thoughts exactly but the Lt. has already issued her orders and she mentioned 'no pizza'." Sarge sighs. "How about sandwiches?" says Private Trent.
"That is what you have for lunch, she said supper." answers Sarge. "Do you have any girlfriends that you can charm into coming over and cooking, Private Trent?" asks Sarge."Well I have lots of girl friends but I think they are all good at something else rather than cooking. I really never asked any of them if they could cook." replies Private Trent.
"OK Son this the challenge, we have to cook supper. And it has to be something that looks like supper. Your mom is hard to fool. So lets go down to the freezer and see what there is that fits the picture." Downstairs... "What do you think this is Trent?" asks Sarge. "It looks like a old pheasant, maybe the one we got 5 yrs ago." Trent says. "Hummm how about this?" "I don't know but it looks like that fungus the Caribou eat up in Alaska." He replies.
"Aha!, look what I found!" shouts Sarge. Alright, Dad a frozen pan of Lasagna! Son, we got it made! Now all we have to do is pop it in the oven a couple of hours before your Mom gets home and we have a complete dinner ready for her." decides Sarge. " But Mom usually has some other things to eat with Lasagna, Dad, like vegetables or something." questions Trent. "You are right, Private, lets see what we can find in the storage room." answers Sarge.
Hours later it is time to start supper and Sarge shows Private Trent how to do it."First we turn the oven on. Got that?" "OK but I don't hear anything making any noise." asks Trent. "I don't think ovens make noise like cars do, son, so we will just keep checking for heat." replies Sarge. Then while we are waiting for the Lasagna to cook we will put the peas, and corn on the top in pans. I saw your mother do this a couple of times when I was walking through the kitchen on the way to the garage. "What do we set the dials for Dad?" asks Trent. "Hummm lets see, LOW sounds like it would take too much time, and she is going to be home in two hours, probably better put the dial on HIGH." decides Sarge. "This thing here says it is a timer, we can set it and forget it, Dad." beams Trent.
Two hours later, Sarge looks at his watch and instructs Private Trent to clean up the work bench and quit for the day, as supper should be about done. Opening the kitchen door, he GASPS as the smoke rolls out of the house. "Kowabunga!" Shouts Sarge, "Get the fire extinguisher, FAST!" Finally the fire is out and the smoke vented out, the soot cleaned off the cabinets and the two weary warriors are sitting down and resting while they assess the damage. "Well at least the Lasagna looks good." Private Trent says cheerfully. "What do you want me to do with these peas?" Looking down in the pan at the little black balls, Sarge sighs and says, "Save them, we can load them in shotgun shells and save a box or two of lead." Getting into the swing of things, Trent comments," The corn I can use with my sling shot, no use throwing it out either." "Good idea, son but take all them and the pots out to the garage and put them under the bench in the back. We can chip the ash out of them tomorrow when your mother is at work."suggests Sarge.
"Now I have to find something else to heat up quickly for the rest of the supper." realizes Sarge. "How about MRE's Dad?" asks Trent. "Naa your mother would figure something was up, she is a very smart lady." Sarge admits.
So the final menu is Lasagna, pork and beans, some used potatoes found in the back of the fridge sprinkled with parsley to hide the other green specks and soda pop. Not the best dinner ever made but Lt. Linda was surprised and happy and that is what marriage is all about, isn't it guys?