Funnies.....We need to laugh every day!
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Old 05-09-2012, 11:01 AM   #1
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Default Funnies.....We need to laugh every day!

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.

They saw her and began calling greetings to her. "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."


When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled 'Love',and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.


While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.

"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How I get in?

"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

" Czechoslovakia .."


Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry.....
There will be hell to pay later!!

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Last edited by tri70; 05-09-2012 at 11:04 AM.
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Old 05-09-2012, 11:07 AM   #2
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Default Marriage vows....

A couple had been married 50 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows. They were discussing the details of their second wedding with their friends. She wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown, and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with her dress. She replied, "Silver." At that point, her husband chimed in, "Yep, silver... to match her hair." Shooting a glaring look at his bald spot, her friend shot back, "So I guess you're going barefoot."

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Old 05-09-2012, 11:28 AM   #3
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Told the wife I liked her black fingernails. Now, she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand purposely.

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Old 05-09-2012, 12:55 PM   #4
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saw this the other day and got a good laugh out of it.

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Old 05-09-2012, 01:09 PM   #5
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I saw my neighbor yesterday, he was so happy he said they got a new dishwasher. I told him I got one too and she has a nice azz.

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Old 05-09-2012, 04:44 PM   #6
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My wife asked me to take her and the kids to Sea World. I told her put on a black and white bathing suit and jump in the pool it would be cheaper.

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Old 05-09-2012, 07:30 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rjd3282
My wife asked me to take her and the kids to Sea World. I told her put on a black and white bathing suit and jump in the pool it would be cheaper.
Oh good lord, that would get you stabbed around here.
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Old 05-09-2012, 07:37 PM   #8
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I had a friend call me one day and she told me that she was filling out this job application and one part had her stumped. She said that it asks if she is a "resident alien" and asked me what she should put on it. I asked her if she was from mexico and had a green card. She laughed and said NO, i said,then your not a resident alien. From then on i nicknamed her "Paco Sanchez".... I still call her that whenever i think about it, she still gets embarrassed and tells me to shut up

She is also naturally blonde

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Old 05-09-2012, 07:42 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrWray
I had a friend call me one day and she told me that she was filling out this job application and one part had her stumped. She said that it asks if she is a "resident alien" and asked me what she should put on it. I asked her if she was from mexico and had a green card. She laughed and said NO, i said,then your not a resident alien. From then on i nicknamed her "Paco Sanchez".... I still call her that whenever i think about it, she still gets embarrassed and tells me to shut up

She is also naturally blonde
Speaking of blondes... anyone ever heard this before?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAR-KUVBKso&feature=youtube_gdata_player
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Old 05-09-2012, 07:48 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanNinja

Speaking of blondes... anyone ever heard this before?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAR-KUVBKso&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Ive heard that before, i almost couldnt stop laughing. Thats supposed to be a real call
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