FTF Twas the night before christmas. - Page 2
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Old 12-04-2009, 06:26 PM   #11
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When out of the door, the porch torn asunder,
I blinked, and then gazed, and my eyes filled with wonder
A jolly old elf, dressed in red, I did see,
Giving a gift to the lad on his knee

I stepped to him slowly, rimfire by my side,
And looked in his face, as my rifle he eyed
"Merry Christmas to you!" was all he could speak
I junk punched that jolly kid touchin freak

I punched him and punched him
In his Santa sack
I twisted and kicked it
Until it turned black

He fell to the ground, with a wheeze and a cough
Then he let out a sneeze, and his junk fell right off.

I returned to my dinner of groundhog and beer,
Merry Christmas to you, and a Happy New Year

As I sat at my table enjoying my beer
I chuckled and laughed and rechecked my gear
While out on the lawn that black sack was a wiggle
And Santa crawled out looking wild with a giggle
He was bleeding and brused and beat all to hell
But He reached in the sack and said I’ll send him to hell
Out came a rifle and plenty of rounds
And towards my house he went with a jump and a bound…..

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Old 12-05-2009, 03:59 AM   #12
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Ooooh, check you out.

Very well done, sir.

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Old 12-05-2009, 04:03 AM   #13
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Well, I just could not just let it end like that could I ?
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Old 12-05-2009, 06:42 AM   #14
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Amused as I was that the eunuch would risk it
I called for my dog and I gave him a biscuit
Now he's not a yapper, a humper or biter
But his collar is rigged with a Foo Gas igniter
"On fuel-bombs, on Claymores, on floodlights and lasers!"
As Wifey outfitted the children with Tazers

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Old 12-05-2009, 02:58 PM   #15
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Never, in the recorded history of man, has "eunuch" been worked into a Christmas poem.

You saw it here first, folks.

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Old 12-05-2009, 04:14 PM   #16
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Amused as I was that the eunuch would risk it
I called for my dog and I gave him a biscuit
Now he's not a yapper, a humper or biter
But his collar is rigged with a Foo Gas igniter
"On fuel-bombs, on Claymores, on floodlights and lasers!"
As Wifey outfitted the children with Tazers

Now Santa was armed with a decked out M4
he Jumped on the porch and kicked in my front door

You’ve been a bad boy he yelled with a shout
And cut loose with tracers and spread them about

The wife and kids went down hoping for cover
While I engaged Santa over the body of Rover

Santa charged in and reloading from gear
While his back-up kept us down, “my God their Reindeer?”……

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Old 12-05-2009, 07:10 PM   #17
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But twas not the reindeer, providing the cover
Twas a lazy eyed girl, an angry ex- lover

An army, in fact, of piercings and curls
A unit of angry suicide girls

A large one, cuz often they need luvin too
A thin one with piercings all up her wazoo

The largest winked coyly, and shimmied her mass
With Marilyn Manson tatooed on her a$$

Our man dropped his weapon, now helpless lead fodder
His eyes were now glazing, his mouth starts to water

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Old 12-05-2009, 07:38 PM   #18
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The largest winked coyly, and shimmied her mass
With Marilyn Manson tattooed on her ass

Our man dropped his weapon, now helpless lead fodder
His eyes were now glazing, his mouth starts to water

No doubt about it, Santa had come & come heavy
The horde rushed forward like they had just broke the levy.

Santa was spraying lead this way and that,
but the young Tango boy had just dawned his new hat(helmet).

Lowering the boom from Santa’s blindside
Young Tango hit him hard and done dotted both eyes.

The young girl and the wife were laying down cover
But Tango stood there dumbstruck, confronted by lovers

Kiss that one, shag that one, bend over that one, no wait
She’s ugly enough to make her Hogger’s mate
She is definitely off limits and shall not be speared
Though that piercing is something that should be revered

Glass eyed and slack jawed, savoring the sights
Poor Tango was going to be soon feeling the bite
Suicide girls swarmed in, bad intentions one and all
When all of a sudden they started to fall

Shaved heads and face piercings began to explode
Red and gray matter was soon littering the road

Their heads were exploding in such vapored mist
One thing was certain this bastard don’t miss

Snapped back to reality Tango took in the sights
Who had come forth to help in this fight
On his right were his girls, proud, strong and ready
His boy making him proud, Santa’s beard red as spaghetti

The sound of a truck horn, no wait, What The F*ck?
On the ridge first came lights then the rumble of a truck
No not a truck, but one big ass jeep,
Armed to the teeth and stacked high with relief.

Astride the Land Cruiser sat Tango’s own quorum
Assembled all the shooters from Firearm’s Talk Forum

Full auto death, sniper shots and double taps
This crew was out issuing much needed dirt naps
They’d come to get Tango and drag him out with the boys
Zombie hunting before Christmas for all to enjoy..........
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Old 12-05-2009, 09:09 PM   #19
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Oh hell YEAAAHHH!!!!

I knew you were good, but I didn't know you had that in you!

Epic, My Friend!!!

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Old 12-05-2009, 09:16 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Benning Boy View Post
Oh hell YEAAAHHH!!!!

I knew you were good, but I didn't know you had that in you!

Epic, My Friend!!!
Eh, it was a little weak. I am not the wordsmith that some of you are, but it was fun working in as much as I could.

Thank you!!

My Friend....
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