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doctherock 08-04-2010 04:55 AM

Domestic Abuse
 
I am typing this post in response to a death that occurred close to home this weekend. My daughter who moved back home was hit hard by this death because she worked with the woman who was brutally beaten and died.

Apparently this lady has been coming to work with black eyes and when confronted says they were moving and a trunk fell on her head. Believable right. She showed up to work with bruises on her arms, legs, throat and chest. She even showed up with cigarette burns on her body. It is an unfortunate side effect of a mental disease called battered woman syndrome. My daughter is full of love and felt for her. She tried to get this woman to open her eyes and get help but to no avail. The neighbors had to have heard all the times she was beaten and noone did a thing.

When the hell did this become ok to not step in and help someone in need in an apartment complex with the thinnest walls in the universe? Someone finally stepped in after all this time by calling the police but it was too late. They found her badly beaten body in the corner of the apartment, lifeless, bloody and bruised. They took the boyfriend into custody, he lives, she died a day later in the hospital.

Manslaughter in the first degree is the charge the chicken Sh!t DA is proposing for this guy. I am outraged at this and want to personally help this guy into a shallow grave. She was 43, was. She had a son, HAD.

Help came to late and I am hurt by this. Where and when will this end. I don't have the answers to these questions but want to say if you know of anyone going through the same thing, GET them help.

I heard the song, Alyssa Lies, shortly after hearing the news and said a prayer. At least she is with the good lord where she can no longer be hurt, her chains have been shed and she is loved. That's all she ever wanted and I hope she finds peace in the Great Fathers arms.

Sorry for the rant but needed to get that off my chest. May the Lord protect all those women and children who cant protect themselves.

falseharmonix 08-04-2010 05:09 AM

I may be old fashioned despite my young age, but I firmly believe there is never a reason to hit a woman (with the VERY RARE exception being in a life-or-death encounter with a female aggressor). I hope that scumbag lands life in a cell with a muscle-bound Bubbah who likes to pound some fudge.....

prayers for the son and family.....

HotGuns 08-04-2010 05:18 AM

It's a hard thing to deal with. I've had to deal with it quite a bit on the other side...as a Deputy.

I have no qualms about cuffing and stuffing a man that would assault a women.

People are just scared. Scared they'll get hurt, scared they'll get sued, some are convinced it isn't any of their business. It is true that Domestic Battery cases are the most dangerous cases that a police officer can get in.

Two things in particular never cease to amaze though. One, is how people can allow a woman to get beaten without stepping in.

The other is how these women refuse to leave the man that they love, even though they get beat to a pulp.

It used to be that unless they filed charges on the perp, he/she got away with it. After a few of them got killed, the law was amended so that if an officer saw any physical damage at all, they could arrest the perp on the spot.

Nothing was worse than tending to a battered woman with broken bones, black eyes, cuts that bled profusely, or bruises all over them only to have them refuse to have their lover arrested.

Of course now it is different, except that when the scumbags know we are coming most of them leave before we get there. I have no respect for these "tough" guys.

I sympathize with you. There is no worse feeling of helplessness than that and it will take lots of soul searching and time to get over it.

All you can do is to be there for your daughter as she deals with it. Don't try to make any sense out of it because there is none to be found. Let her cry through it and let her talk it out. That's really all you can do. If she doesn't heal in awhile you may need to suggest grief counseling services to help her through it. Good luck, I wish you both well.

spittinfire 08-04-2010 11:15 AM

Dock, i'm sorry to hear about this. I can relate on some level. My wife is a elementary school teacher and she comes home and tells me about marks they find on children and how they can't do anything about it because of some stupid rules. If she calls anyone to report it without the child saying something, she will lose her job and could face legal action. Talk about bass ackwards! I thought school was to be a safe place for kids.

I don't understand how neighbors could hear/see/live with that going on next to them and not say anything. I can look over some things but beating your wife and child isn't one of them.

james black, I disagree 100% with what you've said.

CourtJester 08-04-2010 01:07 PM

Man, thatís harsh for sure.

I began working on my Masters in psychology and changed majors after just looking at and researching cases and people on both sides of issues like this. My wife has nearly completed her masters in psychology and contemplating taking it further so there is still a lot of talk between the two of us on issues like this.

It truly is a mental disorder by both involved. The female is brain washed and beaten into absolute fear. Without 100% full-fledged support, she wonít leave and mentally canít leave. Similar in a way to the stories of POWís that have a chance to run but decide not to. Just mentally broken down from fear.
From the research done, the male side comes down to little more than a child with a poor self-esteem that is too unintelligent to process a better outlet to build his self-worth. Through beating weaker women and children they are able to assert their power and maintain their mental state of desired authority in an area they have complete control over; their home.

Not sure if that helps on the understanding side. Iíve been in situations where I have seen/heard issues like this and stepped in. I also knew a woman that suffered the same fate. The two things that helped me settle it in my mind was an understanding of how it happens and (possibly my narrow mindís way of accepting the unacceptable by seeing the better side of evil) believing that although one person physically suffered, others will have learned from the mistakes of both. Ie, her son may be less likely to grow up and repeat what he was being raised to see as normal, and your daughter will be quick to tuck and run at the onset of abuse in her future relationships. Everyone pays someone elseís pass in the end.

My sincere condolences.

Rick1967 08-04-2010 01:21 PM

People often stay in a relationship out of fear. They are afraid that the abuser will find them. I sometimes work with a battered women's shelter. It is true that I see a few low life women come through. They abuse the system and take it for as much as they can get. But that is not the norm. I have seen some women that truly had no where else to go. They are starting over. But the fear is easy to see.

General_lee 08-04-2010 01:39 PM

I will never understand how anybody could be such a scumbag.

The words of Hank Jr. come to mind, "I love to spit some snuff in that dudes eyes and shoot him with my old .45":mad:

jbd 08-04-2010 01:52 PM

Any man that hits a women and is not defending his own life is a p***y. He will get his one way or another.

cpttango30 08-04-2010 01:59 PM

I feel for the family and son.

Mr. Black your an EPIC douche bag of all DOUCHE BAGS in my eyes. No matter how you make it sound NO ONE EVER deserves that kind of abuse. Just to let you know I will be reporting that post.

I have a slightly different take one this.

I came to the Aid of a female coworker when I was a young man of 17. Her boyfriend was smacking her around at work in an isolated area that only employees had access to. I walked in right as he belted her across the face. After the scuffle and his bloody nose she goes off on me and tries to get me fired. Saying I hurt him and he wasn't doing anything wrong. After that month long sh!t storm I vowed never again to get in the middle of someones business. It cost me a good friend got me suspended from work for 3 weeks and didn't do anything to help me. She even blamed me for him leaving her (I was ok with that part). It also cost my mom a new windshield because the douche bag bashed it in.

the most I will do now is observe and report, that is it sorry, I have too much to lose for fighting someone else's battles. This all changes if it involves a child. You start smakin a kid around in front of Tango and your libel to get your ass ran over or even better beat the hell down. I had a good family friend who was a truck driver visited the town we lived in about once a month or so. He seen a guy slap his kid so hard it knocked him back a few feet. After the guy could breath (Friend wrapped a gas hose around his neck and was choking the **** out of him with it) again he promised never to strike his kid again don't know if that was true or not but he sure looked sincere about it.

Benning Boy 08-04-2010 02:30 PM

Where I come from, if you hit a woman, you're a b***h, and you'll be handled as such.


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