divorce - Page 8
Firearm & Gun Forum - FireArmsTalk.com > General Discussion Forums > The Club House > divorce

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-25-2013, 03:02 PM   #71
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: West, by God, Funroe,Louisiana
Posts: 18,707
Liked 9204 Times on 5058 Posts
Likes Given: 74

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by winds-of-change View Post
At social events where my ex will be present, I greet him, have a few minutes of light chit chat, then try to avoid him the rest of the time. I would never ruin my children's or grand children's event by not being civil to my ex. How inconsiderate and selfish is that? I learned when I was about 5 years old it's not always about me and what I want.
I learned by living with inlaws that it's possible to even share the same bathroom and never interact with someone...

This is the way my ex shall be treated.

Say Sue grows up and gets married. Or graduates college. Or boot camp (he wants to be a Marine like daddy. Daddy says carry your ass to college...)

If he wants a family photo of his great accomplishments, with me and my ex in the pictures, I can do that. I can even give a genuine smile. Because I will be there for my son, not her. Nothing will ever diminish my pride in him, or my expression thereof. Heck, I may even be able to tolerate the stench of her lies and deceit while standing with a hand on her shoulder (just have the bleach ready later), and still be able to give a smile that wrinkles my eyes in pride.

I will never offer her conversation, but shall never be overtly rude in denying an answer to a "how are you?". I shall never offer her help, and will deny her certain forms of help (like if she asks me for money, she already has, and I shot that down real quick), but I won't aid her downfall either (as much as I would looove to). I will never cause grief or strife in their relationship, but I'll never kiss her ass or bend over backwards to mend things should they go astray in their relationship (which has already happened too).
__________________
trip286 is offline  
3
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 03:03 PM   #72
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
dango's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,013
Liked 3221 Times on 1825 Posts
Likes Given: 18582

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by winds-of-change View Post
Okay, AR10. Tell me Dango's child hood was better because his parents did NOT divorce. He had to live a nightmare every day. I'm not blaming his parents. I have been told the psychology of an abused woman who is afraid to leave the relationship. She has been brainwashed into thinking this is all she deserves. She may have been threatened with physical harm or even death if she leaves. Their mindset makes it difficult for them to get help.

I'm not thrilled with divorce but sometimes it's best for all involved, especially the children. In my case, divorce was handed to me on a platter. Was I going to fight to make my husband stay and love me when he didn't want to? Nope. I have more dignity than that. And you can't make someone love you who doesn't want to.
Thanks for the "paradigm" , but , because of my up-bringing , I had maturity and an advantage over some peoples three times my age..! His (My Father's), intentions "BACK-FIRED" badly and I don't think I could be the person I've become without him.! I LOVE THE PERSON I'VE BECOME! No hang-ups here.!
__________________
dango is offline  
axxe55 Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 05:37 PM   #73
RIP my good and faithful dog.
FTF_MODERATOR.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
winds-of-change's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 23,006
Liked 7174 Times on 4318 Posts
Likes Given: 8753

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by trip286 View Post
I learned by living with inlaws that it's possible to even share the same bathroom and never interact with someone...

This is the way my ex shall be treated.

Say Sue grows up and gets married. Or graduates college. Or boot camp (he wants to be a Marine like daddy. Daddy says carry your ass to college...)

If he wants a family photo of his great accomplishments, with me and my ex in the pictures, I can do that. I can even give a genuine smile. Because I will be there for my son, not her. Nothing will ever diminish my pride in him, or my expression thereof. Heck, I may even be able to tolerate the stench of her lies and deceit while standing with a hand on her shoulder (just have the bleach ready later), and still be able to give a smile that wrinkles my eyes in pride.

I will never offer her conversation, but shall never be overtly rude in denying an answer to a "how are you?". I shall never offer her help, and will deny her certain forms of help (like if she asks me for money, she already has, and I shot that down real quick), but I won't aid her downfall either (as much as I would looove to). I will never cause grief or strife in their relationship, but I'll never kiss her ass or bend over backwards to mend things should they go astray in their relationship (which has already happened too).
That's the way to handle it all. Good job. I know how hard it is. I was very angry at my husband for baling out leaving me as a stay at home Mom and three small children. I was scared Sh***ess yet managed. I still resent him for baling out. But, as Dango says below, my hardships and very difficult times made me who I am today. And I, too, love the person I've become. I know how to show compassion for someone struggling and I know how to be tough and take care of myself. Not a bad combination, I think.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dango View Post
Thanks for the "paradigm" , but , because of my up-bringing , I had maturity and an advantage over some peoples three times my age..! His (My Father's), intentions "BACK-FIRED" badly and I don't think I could be the person I've become without him.! I LOVE THE PERSON I'VE BECOME! No hang-ups here.!
I agree with you 100%, Dango. See my comment above.

But you and I both know that someone with a different personality would not have survived, thrived and succeeded in such a household as you did. It would have crushed all the life out of some. You were the lucky one.
__________________
Honor Student: School of Hard Knocks
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Quando Omni Flunkus Moritatus
winds-of-change is offline  
dango Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 05:57 PM   #74
Lifetime Supporting Member
FTF_LIFETIMESUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
 
Vikingdad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Santa Cruz Mountains,CA
Posts: 14,024
Liked 8313 Times on 4805 Posts
Likes Given: 10774

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AR10 View Post
The time to think about defensive driving is not after you t bone someone. The time to check the barn latch is not after the horse runs off. The time to think about divorce is not after you brought a child into this world.

After the children grow up, you can both live separate lives. What you have now, is the responsibility for your actions. It is not about you, or her, it is about them, or him, or her.

The first judge to grant a divorce should have been strung up by his nuts.
AR10, with all due respect, you couldn't be more wrong. Until you have experienced the pain of your marriage falling apart, a marriage that you have invested your heart, soul and all your Earthly goods into for all of those years and it is over with. A child who grows up in a broken marriage where the parents "stay together for the sake of the children" will damage those children far more than getting a divorce will 99 times out of 100, and that one time the child would be OK either way but the parents will be miserable for the duration.

Don't judge until you have walked a mile in our shoes.
__________________

Shoot me an email at vikingdad995@gmail.com

Check out the Firearmstalk Podcasts with Vikingdad and DrFootball! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/firearms-talk-podcast/id778007899

Quote:
"Among the many misdeeds of British rule in India, history will look upon the Act depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest."
- Mohandas Gandhi, an Autobiography, page 446.
Vikingdad is offline  
2
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 06:05 PM   #75
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
Squawk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 865
Liked 191 Times on 128 Posts

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vikingdad

AR10, with all due respect, you couldn't be more wrong. Until you have experienced the pain of your marriage falling apart, a marriage that you have invested your heart, soul and all your Earthly goods into for all of those years and it is over with. A child who grows up in a broken marriage where the parents "stay together for the sake of the children" will damage those children far more than getting a divorce will 99 times out of 100, and that one time the child would be OK either way but the parents will be miserable for the duration.

Don't judge until you have walked a mile in our shoes.
To the OP, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Good luck. Keep your head up.

To AR10 - http://youtu.be/5hfYJsQAhl0
__________________

If guns kill people, mine are defective.

Squawk is offline  
3
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 06:16 PM   #76
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
kytowboater's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 7,000
Liked 2389 Times on 1488 Posts
Likes Given: 51

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squawk

To the OP, I'm sorry for what you are going through. Good luck. Keep your head up.

To AR10 - Video Link: http://youtu.be/5hfYJsQAhl0
Ahhhh haaaaaa! Lmao
__________________

Oh dern....


Revelation 19:11

And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and he that sat upon him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness he doth judge and make war.

kytowboater is offline  
dango Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 07:43 PM   #77
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
chaos's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 81
Liked 31 Times on 25 Posts
Likes Given: 1

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by vikingdad View Post

ar10, with all due respect, you couldn't be more wrong. Until you have experienced the pain of your marriage falling apart, a marriage that you have invested your heart, soul and all your earthly goods into for all of those years and it is over with. A child who grows up in a broken marriage where the parents "stay together for the sake of the children" will damage those children far more than getting a divorce will 99 times out of 100, and that one time the child would be ok either way but the parents will be miserable for the duration.

Don't judge until you have walked a mile in our shoes.
amen!!!!!!!!_
__________________
chaos is offline  
2
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 07:47 PM   #78
RIP my good and faithful dog.
FTF_MODERATOR.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
winds-of-change's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 23,006
Liked 7174 Times on 4318 Posts
Likes Given: 8753

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vikingdad View Post
AR10, with all due respect, you couldn't be more wrong. Until you have experienced the pain of your marriage falling apart, a marriage that you have invested your heart, soul and all your Earthly goods into for all of those years and it is over with. A child who grows up in a broken marriage where the parents "stay together for the sake of the children" will damage those children far more than getting a divorce will 99 times out of 100, and that one time the child would be OK either way but the parents will be miserable for the duration.

Don't judge until you have walked a mile in our shoes.
Thank you. I worked very hard and lovingly to raise my children. I denied myself many things to put my children first and do what I felt was right and best for them. I get very offended and hurt when someone tells me my children were 'ruined' through divorce. Throw some salt on the wound, okay? And to be honest, my kids are faring better as adults then many of their classmates who were spoiled rotten and don't know how to work or save or budget money or earn something they want. Those kids whine about not having everything they want. You won't hear that out of my kids. I spoiled them with love.........not with things.
__________________
Honor Student: School of Hard Knocks
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
Quando Omni Flunkus Moritatus
winds-of-change is offline  
2
People Like This 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 07:52 PM   #79
FTF_SUPPORTER.png
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
orangello's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 19,170
Liked 5733 Times on 3359 Posts
Likes Given: 4877

Default

Maybe send her some bear attractant perfume and a solo vacation to Yosemite?

Happily single since forever and planning to stay that way; sorry you are not.

__________________

Dead Bears, the only good kind.

orangello is offline  
dango Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2013, 07:54 PM   #80
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
 
davva360's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 378
Liked 144 Times on 80 Posts
Likes Given: 41

Default

In most cases I would recommend an attorney even though I did not follow that advice myself. With the house dropping in value since it was purchased there were no net assets to split. She got her car, I got mine, I kept the house and the mortgage because she could never have paid it on her own.

My son lives with me 5 days a week and I would not have it any other way. I work from home so its easy for me to be there when I need to be.

I live in Florida and as long as you both agree on things you dont need a lawyer. However if there is ANY chance of a back and forth taking place you will need a lawyer to resolve things for you.

__________________
davva360 is offline  
dango Likes This 
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Firearms Forum Replies Last Post
A Nice Divorce Letter layton Politics, Religion and Controversy 4 08-27-2009 07:29 PM
Time For A Divorce user4 The Club House 10 02-18-2009 12:21 PM