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Old 02-25-2013, 06:33 AM   #51
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End the sex. It complicates things emotionally. Speaking from a woman's perspective. To me, it implies there is still some attachment there.



Get a lawyer. Months or years down the road there may be question as to 'what is fair' in your agreements. Without legal documentation, it can get ugly. Getting a lawyer doesn't have to make the divorce contentious. I am divorced, we went through a lawyer. I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to cheat him out of anything. I just wanted it fair and square and to move on with my life. My lawyer saw that I got everything I deserved, not a penny more, not a penny less. If we didn't have lawyers, I guarantee you he would have been very unfair to me and the children.



That is the key to the whole thing. The child. Tell the child he/she will have two homes where there is a loving parent. Tell him/her the divorce has nothing to do with him/her. That Mommy and Daddy can't get along very well and it is better if we don't live in the same house but that you both love him/her dearly and both of you will always be there for him/her.



It is my opinion.....and explained to me by my lawyer when I was going through a divorce......that most legal separations end in divorce. Then you are spending twice the amount as a legal separation is almost as costly as a divorce. If you get legally separated then it ends in divorce, you're doing it all twice. My lawyer recommended a divorce and if the two of us decided we wanted to get back together to just get remarried. It made perfect sense to me. When legally separated, the two of you are still technically married. But isn't a marriage typically two people living together under one roof, working towards common goals and loving and supporting each other in every aspect of life? Marriage in a legal separation is just a marriage on paper and nothing more. Just like two people who live together and don't want to get legally married always say, "The paperwork doesn't make us any more married." That is just my opinion.

My divorce was as smooth as any divorce could be. He wanted out, I wasn't going to fight him over it. You can't convince someone to stay and love you if he doesn't want to anymore. It was terribly painful but much better to face it, deal with it, move on with your life. When faced with something very painful like that, I want to end it as quickly as possibly. Who the heck likes to endure such pain?
very good points Winds and well said. good for him to see this from a womans perspective.
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:35 AM   #52
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I personally have no intention of even trying to be friends with my ex. She cheated on me throughout our entire marriage, emasculated me in front of friends, family, and the public, was emotionally and physically abusive, and endangered my son.

He's 7. My goal for the next 11 years is to not kill her. Once he turns 18, she'll still be the mother of my son, but I won't have to make him call her every night, help arrange visitation, or inform her of school events. I won't have to have any contact with her at all, unless we happen to both be at a major life event for him, such as a wedding, college graduation, or whatever. At which point, it'll be his responsibility to inform her of such things, and I firmly intend to shoulder him with such.

Personally, I never want to see gee again unless it's at her funeral, and only so I can make sure the Bitch is really dead.
Pretty much same thing happend to me .I have learned to let go of my anger towards all the it don't don't nothing to hold a grudge..and the trying not to kill her thing that only lasted a few months ,see me and her have been off and on since we were 13 and been friends that whole time so I know we can again but if not oh well ,I would like to be because it makes things easier for my son
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:37 AM   #53
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Be careful not to denigrate the ex in front of the young fella as well as she may be asking him if Daddy has said any nasty things about Mummy so that she can use this in divorce proceedings and as has been said write everything down that she says to you about anything because it can be used in court if/when she decides to go ballistic on you.

Dates,time, witnesses and remain civil to her no matter how hard she try's to get a bite out of you as this is a time honoured method by those who just want to cause as much financial and emotional grief as possible especially if your looking to get custody.

If you both get joint custody and she starts pulling out of dropping your son off or won't let you have him tell your lawyer asap as this will go against her and see if you can get the drop off/pick up done in front of a police station.

It hasn't happened to me but has to a couple of mates and this is some of the **** that these women will pull,regards

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Old 02-25-2013, 06:39 AM   #54
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Don't look at it that way. Wait until the divorce is complete and then you can rebuild.

LOL! I just looked at your profile and realized you are really, really new here! Good Lord man, you are going to ruin our bad reputation! Everybody knows that gun enthusiasts are a bunch of cold blooded killers! What the heck are you doing asking this bunch of nut cases for personal advice like that?

So what state are you in anyhow? I am in CA.
I been a member for about a year or so I don't make a lot of post .I much rather just read and learn than to get in to some of the arguments that I have seen..I log on everyday and learn something new that's why I join is to learn more about firearms than I already no...I'm in Indiana
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:40 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by winds-of-change View Post
It is my opinion.....and explained to me by my lawyer when I was going through a divorce......that most legal separations end in divorce. Then you are spending twice the amount as a legal separation is almost as costly as a divorce. If you get legally separated then it ends in divorce, you're doing it all twice. My lawyer recommended a divorce and if the two of us decided we wanted to get back together to just get remarried. It made perfect sense to me. When legally separated, the two of you are still technically married. But isn't a marriage typically two people living together under one roof, working towards common goals and loving and supporting each other in every aspect of life? Marriage in a legal separation is just a marriage on paper and nothing more. Just like two people who live together and don't want to get legally married always say, "The paperwork doesn't make us any more married." That is just my opinion.
I am well aware of this, and due to these facts we would not be getting a legal separation, all I can see is one of us moving out of the house, but it would probably have to be me (maybe me moving into a trailer or something on the property). If my wife were to insist on a legal separation then I would opt for a divorce instead. If I were to have my way I would do an informal separation and then divorce after the kids are adults. At this point I have not consulted an attorney.

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I personally have no intention of even trying to be friends with my ex. She cheated on me throughout our entire marriage, emasculated me in front of friends, family, and the public, was emotionally and physically abusive, and endangered my son.

He's 7. My goal for the next 11 years is to not kill her. Once he turns 18, she'll still be the mother of my son, but I won't have to make him call her every night, help arrange visitation, or inform her of school events. I won't have to have any contact with her at all, unless we happen to both be at a major life event for him, such as a wedding, college graduation, or whatever. At which point, it'll be his responsibility to inform her of such things, and I firmly intend to shoulder him with such.

Personally, I never want to see gee again unless it's at her funeral, and only so I can make sure the Bitch is really dead.
See? Now that Trip's divorce is finalized he can say this sort of stuff. That is the recovery stage- Being a Marine, Trip is trained to blow things up and destroy things. That's how a Jarhead recovers.
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:43 AM   #56
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This reminded me of a point, and I'm amazed I didn't already think of it considering my ex and I have both moved from the jurisdiction where we got divorced.

Chaos, what happens when one of you is offered a job in another state that you just can't refuse?
I don't see that happing trip she has other kids in the state that are excileing in school plus all of both are families are here but it could gusse figure that out if it dose
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:43 AM   #57
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But you don't have to be friends with her. You don't even have to pretend to like her (but that don't mean you can talk bad about her in front of the kid).

My simple explanation to my son:
"Daddy, do you still love mommy?"
"she loves you, and I want to make sure your able to have a good relationship with her. So you don't need to worry about how I feel."


Be prepared for the hard questions later on. It's not hard for me because my feelings are conflicted, they very much are not conflicted at all. It's hard for me because I want to tell him his mommy is a cheating lying whore, but my priorities place his mental, emotional, and physical welfare above my feelings.

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Old 02-25-2013, 06:44 AM   #58
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I been a member for about a year or so I don't make a lot of post .I much rather just read and learn than to get in to some of the arguments that I have seen..I log on everyday and learn something new that's why I join is to learn more about firearms than I already no...I'm in Indiana
well glad you joined1 welcome again to the forum!
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:47 AM   #59
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I been a member for about a year or so I don't make a lot of post .I much rather just read and learn than to get in to some of the arguments that I have seen..I log on everyday and learn something new that's why I join is to learn more about firearms than I already no...I'm in Indiana
Hah! I saw 2013 there!

Well, a belated welcome then.
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:49 AM   #60
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Hah! I saw 2013 there!

Well, a belated welcome then.
If u go back and look at my frist post it well tell the date Idk excatly how long but I no its been about a year
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