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Old 02-25-2013, 06:23 AM   #41
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VikingDad is correct. Trip is a recent veteran of the divorce court. my last one was over ten years ago. i will say this, my second was very civil and we didn't have any children together. we had been together for about 13 years when we divorced. we just grew apart. we were more like roomates than husband and wife. no fighting or anything like that, just distant. when there are no children involved, a divorce can be more simplified.

i still see my second ex-wife and we can talk and be very civil towards each other. my first ex-wife, i haven't spoken to her in over twenty years. have no desire to. glad she lives in a different state.

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Old 02-25-2013, 06:24 AM   #42
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In my eyes the war was the marriage this is the "rebuilding" process

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Old 02-25-2013, 06:24 AM   #43
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What state are you in Chaos?
I'm in Indiana
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:25 AM   #44
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The time to think about defensive driving is not after you t bone someone. The time to check the barn latch is not after the horse runs off. The time to think about divorce is not after you brought a child into this world.

After the children grow up, you can both live separate lives. What you have now, is the responsibility for your actions. It is not about you, or her, it is about them, or him, or her.

The first judge to grant a divorce should have been strung up by his nuts.

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Old 02-25-2013, 06:27 AM   #45
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We have one kid that's y we still have to be around each other....and on the not sleeping with her thing yea that can get thrown out the window ( I'm weak what can I say) lol ..but thanks for the advice
End the sex. It complicates things emotionally. Speaking from a woman's perspective. To me, it implies there is still some attachment there.

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Trying not to do it through lawyer.we share the kid I gave her the house,both cars and still give her money for other stuff like schools supplies ect.ect.ect...I gusse the question I should of asked is how to get along after the divorce for the next 13 years
Get a lawyer. Months or years down the road there may be question as to 'what is fair' in your agreements. Without legal documentation, it can get ugly. Getting a lawyer doesn't have to make the divorce contentious. I am divorced, we went through a lawyer. I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to cheat him out of anything. I just wanted it fair and square and to move on with my life. My lawyer saw that I got everything I deserved, not a penny more, not a penny less. If we didn't have lawyers, I guarantee you he would have been very unfair to me and the children.

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Don't use your child as a pawn and don't let her do the same. Be there for your child, as regularly as you can. Make sure of that. It's so important to you and your child.
That is the key to the whole thing. The child. Tell the child he/she will have two homes where there is a loving parent. Tell him/her the divorce has nothing to do with him/her. That Mommy and Daddy can't get along very well and it is better if we don't live in the same house but that you both love him/her dearly and both of you will always be there for him/her.

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Just so you know where I am coming from, my wife and I are on the verge of a separation. Divorce is always a possibility in the future after that.
It is my opinion.....and explained to me by my lawyer when I was going through a divorce......that most legal separations end in divorce. Then you are spending twice the amount as a legal separation is almost as costly as a divorce. If you get legally separated then it ends in divorce, you're doing it all twice. My lawyer recommended a divorce and if the two of us decided we wanted to get back together to just get remarried. It made perfect sense to me. When legally separated, the two of you are still technically married. But isn't a marriage typically two people living together under one roof, working towards common goals and loving and supporting each other in every aspect of life? Marriage in a legal separation is just a marriage on paper and nothing more. Just like two people who live together and don't want to get legally married always say, "The paperwork doesn't make us any more married." That is just my opinion.

My divorce was as smooth as any divorce could be. He wanted out, I wasn't going to fight him over it. You can't convince someone to stay and love you if he doesn't want to anymore. It was terribly painful but much better to face it, deal with it, move on with your life. When faced with something very painful like that, I want to end it as quickly as possibly. Who the heck likes to endure such pain?
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:27 AM   #46
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Yea I gave her everything ..we just can't be around each other for very long without a fight right now ...I admit I'm a A$$hole and am trying to work on that for my sons sake ,I just want to be able to take him trick or treating togather and birthday party and stuff like that ..Idk I'm thinking with time we can get along again maybe even be friends (we have both moved on ) Idk though gusse only time will tell
I personally have no intention of even trying to be friends with my ex. She cheated on me throughout our entire marriage, emasculated me in front of friends, family, and the public, was emotionally and physically abusive, and endangered my son.

He's 7. My goal for the next 11 years is to not kill her. Once he turns 18, she'll still be the mother of my son, but I won't have to make him call her every night, help arrange visitation, or inform her of school events. I won't have to have any contact with her at all, unless we happen to both be at a major life event for him, such as a wedding, college graduation, or whatever. At which point, it'll be his responsibility to inform her of such things, and I firmly intend to shoulder him with such.

Personally, I never want to see her again unless it's at her funeral, and only so I can make sure the Bitch is really dead.
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:27 AM   #47
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The time to think about defensive driving is not after you t bone someone. The time to check the barn latch is not after the horse runs off. The time to think about divorce is not after you brought a child into this world.

After the children grow up, you can both live separate lives. What you have now, is the responsibility for your actions. It is not about you, or her, it is about them, or him, or her.

The first judge to grant a divorce should have been strung up by his nuts.
I agree 100% I didn't not want it she did .when I took those vows I ment them ..but u can't be with sumone if they don't want to be with u
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:28 AM   #48
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In my eyes the war was the marriage this is the "rebuilding" process
Don't look at it that way. Wait until the divorce is complete and then you can rebuild.


LOL! I just looked at your profile and realized you are really, really new here! Good Lord man, you are going to ruin our bad reputation! Everybody knows that gun enthusiasts are a bunch of cold blooded killers! What the heck are you doing asking this bunch of nut cases for personal advice like that?

So what state are you in anyhow? I am in CA.
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:29 AM   #49
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The time to think about defensive driving is not after you t bone someone. The time to check the barn latch is not after the horse runs off. The time to think about divorce is not after you brought a child into this world.

After the children grow up, you can both live separate lives. What you have now, is the responsibility for your actions. It is not about you, or her, it is about them, or him, or her.

The first judge to grant a divorce should have been strung up by his nuts.
i'm sorry but i can't agree with that. i have seen where parents stayed married for the benefit of the children. it doesn't always turn out in the best interests of the children.

sometimes it's better for the parents to divorce and provide two stable homes for the children, rather than one large unstable one.
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:31 AM   #50
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Originally Posted by winds-of-change View Post

Get a lawyer. Months or years down the road there may be question as to 'what is fair' in your agreements. Without legal documentation, it can get ugly. Getting a lawyer doesn't have to make the divorce contentious. I am divorced, we went through a lawyer. I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to cheat him out of anything. I just wanted it fair and square and to move on with my life. My lawyer saw that I got everything I deserved, not a penny more, not a penny less. If we didn't have lawyers, I guarantee you he would have been very unfair to me and the children.
This reminded me of a point, and I'm amazed I didn't already think of it considering my ex and I have both moved from the jurisdiction where we got divorced.

Chaos, what happens when one of you is offered a job in another state that you just can't refuse?
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