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Old 02-25-2013, 05:26 AM   #21
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A big thank you to all u guys for the advice ..I really dont have anybody to ask so that's y I asked u guys..it has all been very heart felt advice so again a big thank you
Chaos, good luck to you and i sincerely wish you the best of luck in this matter. take care.
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:26 AM   #22
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In the papers she filed she is asking for joint custody and no child support ...I'm not really that good at anything but I'm very good at being a dad and she knows that
She can always demand child support right up until your child turns 18 (and perhaps later depending on your state) and you will be held responsible for the entire amount at that time.

What I suggest would be to figure out how much child support would be in a "worst case" scenario.Open a bank account up and set that amount aside every month and if you can afford it kick in more as you can. When your child (son or daughter?) turns 18 and if your ex remains good to her word, then you can put that money towards the kid's education, first apartment, a car, or whatever. Or save it for the grandkids. Put it towards a wedding or maybe a first house.

But in any case do not tell anyone that you are doing it.Don't hold it over anyone's head or use it as a bargaining chip. Just do it quietly and spend it appropriately on your kid, one way or the other.
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:29 AM   #23
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my advice is to still get an attorney. advise her to do the same. simply becasue the attorneys are not emotionally involved like the two of you. it's always easier to let attorneys hash out the details.

no matter the outcome, remain a part of your childs life and be a good father. no matter if she does talk ill of you or not, don't talk bad about your ex. it serves no purpose other than make life more difficult for your child.
I agree (even though she did some horrible stuff) I still have the up most respect for her because she is my sons mom and I would never bad mouth her in front of him and would smack the sh** out of any one who dose ..I get all my bad mouthing her out of my system at work lol jk jk
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:31 AM   #24
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A big thank you to all u guys for the advice ..I really dont have anybody to ask so that's y I asked u guys..it has all been very heart felt advice so again a big thank you
Glad you asked and happy to offer my two cents. If you ever need to talk you can PM me, or post again or whatever.

Look up some lawyers tomorrow and talk to them. Get a good one that you like and then check them out.
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:33 AM   #25
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Really, the first thing you need to do, is put your pecker away. If she can't be nice, then she don't deserve to get it. Besides, you've been separated about a year, do you know where that cooter's been? You think your the only one she's bumping uglies with? And in many states that have a separation term (don't know if that's you're case), once you do the deed, you've reconsumated your marriage, which means that, if she wants, she can use that to drag everything out even longer, starting the separation over from the last time you diddled with her.

The kid. Do you want custody? Some men find it easier to let the mom have custody. I didn't. I was honestly in fear for my son's welfare.

Get a damn good lawyer. Winds advised me, "don't get a sheisty lawyer who wants to take everything from your ex, get one who wants to take care of you". I highly recommend Cordell and Cordell. That's who I used. They're expensive, but they're worth it. Read the book "ten stupid things men do in divorce". Read it religiously. Study it.

Help your lawyer help you. This means STOP SLEEPING WITH HER. Don't say anything mean that she can bring up in court. No threats, no drunken phone calls (not accusing you, just covering bases), don't tell your ex ANYTHING except your child's schedule and events while they're in your care. Your marriage is over, she doesn't need to know ANY of your business. Drop even casual profanity if you use it. Be saintly. Don't try to cover up your past, us already out there. Don't try to be the guy who'd suddenly turned over a new leaf, or the sinner who finally found Jesus. If you're suddenly the "good guy", it's because you're letting go of a bad relationship.

Going back to helping your lawyer help you...
They're busy. They may be working on 5 different cases at once. So dig the dirt up yourself. I found out my ex was an internet amateur porn star when my sister googled her name. A former friend of my ex's was feeding me info from my ex. On THAT note, watch who YOU talk to. You DON'T have mutual friends anymore. I told my informant up front, "I will not tell you anything I'm doing" because I have no reason to believe you won't go tell her. I told her simply my side of events because I found out the ex was spreading rumors about me. Now her (my informant) and I are great friends. Once everything was settled, as a courtesy, I spilled the beans. I told her everything, and she was glad to hear that she didn't compromise her own character by trusting me. There's a concept called social engineering used in the intelligence community. Read up on it, and use it. I did. I was taught how to recognize it and not fall prey to it in the Marines, which taught me quite a bit on how to use it to my advantage.

Recap: stop banging her. Lawyer up. Gather Intel. Don't be stupid. Communication black out (if it didn't involve your kid, it doesn't involve you), this especially includes mutual friends, which also means don't talk crap about her to ANYONE. Dig. Gather dirt.

The time for being civil is when your trying to save your marriage, or when your kid is watching. Beyond that, she's just some woman. One who's been at least 50% of the reason for your ****ty marriage.

Trip
Divorce veteran, 1/8/13, Dad with custody.
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:38 AM   #26
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All truly great advice here so far, especially about keeping a level head!!! Be prepared for the struggle and be prepared for the sadness/frustration, because its going to be a long ride. Now I've never been divorced but my significant other has so I'm intimately familiar with the ins and outs of divorce; I live with its affects daily (kids involved). It's really important to retain a GOOD lawyer truly EXPERIENCED in this matter first and foremost. You will soon come to realize that divorce involves many-many details and agreements that you have never even thought to consider, especially with dealing with children now and in the years to come! Secondly, shield your children from the details and troubles concerning the divorce. This is probably the hardest aspect to deal with in many aspects because biting your tongue is really hard to do, but IT IS the right thing to do. Third, try as much as you can to come to as many agreements with your wife that you can! The more you hash out yourselves the less court and lawyers fees can mount; believe me this will save you LOADS if its possible as divorces can easily spiral out of control FAST. Finally, I hope the best for you and sorry to hear about your situation...
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:39 AM   #27
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Really, the first thing you need to do, is put your pecker away. If she can't be nice, then she don't deserve to get it. Besides, you've been separated about a year, do you know where that cooter's been? You think your the only one she's bumping uglies with? And in many states that have a separation term (don't know if that's you're case), once you do the deed, you've reconsumated your marriage, which means that, if she wants, she can use that to drag everything out even longer, starting the separation over from the last time you diddled with her.

The kid. Do you want custody? Some men find it easier to let the mom have custody. I didn't. I was honestly in fear for my son's welfare.

Get a damn good lawyer. Winds advised me, "don't get a sheisty lawyer who wants to take everything from your ex, get one who wants to take care of you". I highly recommend Cordell and Cordell. That's who I used. They're expensive, but they're worth it. Read the book "ten stupid things men do in divorce". Read it religiously. Study it.

Help your lawyer help you. This means STOP SLEEPING WITH HER. Don't say anything mean that she can bring up in court. No threats, no drunken phone calls (not accusing you, just covering bases), don't tell your ex ANYTHING except your child's schedule and events while they're in your care. Your marriage is over, she doesn't need to know ANY of your business. Drop even casual profanity if you use it. Be saintly. Don't try to cover up your past, us already out there. Don't try to be the guy who'd suddenly turned over a new leaf, or the sinner who finally found Jesus. If you're suddenly the "good guy", it's because you're letting go of a bad relationship.

Going back to helping your lawyer help you...
They're busy. They may be working on 5 different cases at once. So dig the dirt up yourself. I found out my ex was an internet amateur porn star when my sister googled her name. A former friend of my ex's was feeding me info from my ex. On THAT note, watch who YOU talk to. You DON'T have mutual friends anymore. I told my informant up front, "I will not tell you anything I'm doing" because I have no reason to believe you won't go tell her. I told her simply my side of events because I found out the ex was spreading rumors about me. Now her (my informant) and I are great friends. Once everything was settled, as a courtesy, I spilled the beans. I told her everything, and she was glad to hear that she didn't compromise her own character by trusting me. There's a concept called social engineering used in the intelligence community. Read up on it, and use it. I did. I was taught how to recognize it and not fall prey to it in the Marines, which taught me quite a bit on how to use it to my advantage.

Recap: stop banging her. Lawyer up. Gather Intel. Don't be stupid. Communication black out (if it didn't involve your kid, it doesn't involve you), this especially includes mutual friends, which also means don't talk crap about her to ANYONE. Dig. Gather dirt.

The time for being civil is when your trying to save your marriage, or when your kid is watching. Beyond that, she's just some woman. One who's been at least 50% of the reason for your ****ty marriage.

Trip
Divorce veteran, 1/8/13, Dad with custody.
Damn trip just take all the fun out of my life lol ...we have not banged ( that made me lol just typing it) in several months I was just saying that we had since we split up...I didn't marry her because she could cook if u know what o mean
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:43 AM   #28
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Damn trip just take all the fun out of my life lol ...we have not banged ( that made me lol just typing it) in several months I was just saying that we had since we split up...I didn't marry her because she could cook if u know what o mean
Trip is giving it to you straight. he just went through a very rough and emotionally draining divorce. with some of what he went through, i wonder sometimes how he retained his sanity.

he's giving you the harsh and cold facts of what can happen. Trip is being blunt and honest. not every divorce goes like his did, but better to be prepared for in case it does go sideways and gets hairy.
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:51 AM   #29
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[QUOTE="MoreAltitude; I hope the best for you and sorry to hear about your situation...[/QUOTE]..........

No need to be sorry its for the best .I was raised in a house were my parents never got along (Prolly the main reason I am how I am now) and I hated it..nothing is more important than my sons happiness and well being and us staying togather he would have neither ..all my anger towards her is gone I just want to be able to do stuff with my son that involves both him mom and dad .like parent teacher meetings,baseball ,football ,Halloween ect ect ect I don't see a reason that this should not happend .my son needs both parents involved in his daily life even if we r not togather

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Old 02-25-2013, 05:54 AM   #30
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Trip is giving it to you straight. he just went through a very rough and emotionally draining divorce. with some of what he went through, i wonder sometimes how he retained his sanity.

he's giving you the harsh and cold facts of what can happen. Trip is being blunt and honest. not every divorce goes like his did, but better to be prepared for in case it does go sideways and gets hairy.
Yea I understand him and will listen to his advice I was just giving him a little sh** ,just a little bit of humor Idk it just helps me
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