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Old 02-25-2013, 05:08 AM   #11
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Thank you axxx it Is very mentaly draining ..that's y I figured I would try to pick sum of other members brains any advice is good advice right now ..But I do not feel the need for a lawyer I don't have anything left I gave her everything when we spilt so there is nothing she can get other than my guns and well that just Anit happen .

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Old 02-25-2013, 05:09 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by nitestalker View Post
Johnny Carson was married a number of times each divorce cost him big time. Carson finally decided rather than going thru the legal night mare of divorce he would change. He said instead of getting married again he would just find some disgusting woman every 5 years that he could not stand and buy her a new home and a car.
That about sums it up lol maybe ill try that
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:11 AM   #13
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Trying not to do it through lawyer.we share the kid I gave her the house,both cars and still give her money for other stuff like schools supplies ect.ect.ect...I gusse the question I should of asked is how to get along after the divorce for the next 13 years
Document freaking everything that you have done, especially any payments that might be construed as child support. Do not trust her an inch. You may never have to use it, but if you do and don't have it you will be sorely screwed. If she goes after you for child support when your child is 17 years and 11 months old and you have no documentation that you have been paying her all of those years, you will be forced to pay again. Doing it yourself is unwise. Also, as far as custody goes, you should not try and work that out on your own, that never goes well for the kid (especially a young kid) because like it or not it will be used against you or you will in a weak moment use it against your wife. It is the nature of these things. If a Judge decides then you both can only blame the Judge.

As to how to get along? Don't expect to. Be civil and do not get into arguments. If you sense one is coming then leave immediately. Eventually you will probably start getting along again but don't bet on that either. My parents divorced when I was 13, they didn't start talking to each other again until I was in my early 20's and getting married. I invited both of them to several parties/gatherings, etc., and let them figure it out. I was not going to "choose" between my parents and when my mom asked if I had invited Dad I told her "Of course. I am not going to choose sides. If you don't want to see him then don't come, but it is not my decision. I want you both there."

It worked out OK from then on out. Dad died back in September and mom was invited to be there in the hospital with the rest of the family by my stepmother when he was on his deathbed. All was forgiven by then. Mom and Stepmom are now doing things together like friends.
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:15 AM   #14
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Anybody got any good advice on how to do this in the most civil way ..have been separated about a year and can't seem to be civil to each other ....we have one child togather ..thanks for any imput
You've given yourself the best reason to get along with your ex..."we have one child together". That one statement tells you exactly what you are supposed to do. Don't try to win. As soon as you do, you're going to lose. There are enough children being raised by dysfunctional families because the parents can't get along...get over it. Sit down in a neutral spot and talk. You be nice, no matter what the other has done...you be nice. I'm telling you this from experience. You'll be better off, your ex will be better off, and your child will benefit from two parents who aren't bad mouthing the other to an innocence child.
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:17 AM   #15
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Don't use your child as a pawn and don't let her do the same. Be there for your child, as regularly as you can. Make sure of that. It's so important to you and your child.

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Old 02-25-2013, 05:17 AM   #16
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please get an attorney. the initial cost will save you lots of grief and money in the long run. also the judge will decide what's in the childs best interests. many when there are children involved are the spokesman for the children or at least are suppose to be.

if she decides to get an attorney and you don't, then you will be a severe disadvantage. and she may tell you doesn't have one and then show up in court with one. well guess what? you're gonna be raked over the coals very well.

please get an attorney. it's in your best interests.

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Old 02-25-2013, 05:18 AM   #17
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Just so you know where I am coming from, my wife and I are on the verge of a separation. Divorce is always a possibility in the future after that. I don't want to go there, promised myself long before I got married that I would never get a divorce, but now, many years later, I realize that was a foolish promise. To remain in a relationship that has turned bad is just stupid. If I do get a divorce I will probably not get married again, but I am wise enough to know not to make any promises to that effect.

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Old 02-25-2013, 05:18 AM   #18
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Document freaking everything that you have done, especially any payments that might be construed as child support. Do not trust her an inch. You may never have to use it, but if you do and don't have it you will be sorely screwed. If she goes after you for child support when your child is 17 years and 11 months old and you have no documentation that you have been paying her all of those years, you will be forced to pay again. Doing it yourself is unwise. Also, as far as custody goes, you should not try and work that out on your own, that never goes well for the kid (especially a young kid) because like it or not it will be used against you or you will in a weak moment use it against your wife. It is the nature of these things. If a Judge decides then you both can only blame the Judge.

As to how to get along? Don't expect to. Be civil and do not get into arguments. If you sense one is coming then leave immediately. Eventually you will probably start getting along again but don't bet on that either. My parents divorced when I was 13, they didn't start talking to each other again until I was in my early 20's and getting married. I invited both of them to several parties/gatherings, etc., and let them figure it out. I was not going to "choose" between my parents and when my mom asked if I had invited Dad I told her "Of course. I am not going to choose sides. If you don't want to see him then don't come, but it is not my decision. I want you both there."

It worked out OK from then on out. Dad died back in September and mom was invited to be there in the hospital with the rest of the family by my stepmother when he was on his deathbed. All was forgiven by then. Mom and Stepmom are now doing things together like friends.
In the papers she filed she is asking for joint custody and no child support ...I'm not really that good at anything but I'm very good at being a dad and she knows that
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:24 AM   #19
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In the papers she filed she is asking for joint custody and no child support ...I'm not really that good at anything but I'm very good at being a dad and she knows that
my advice is to still get an attorney. advise her to do the same. simply becasue the attorneys are not emotionally involved like the two of you. it's always easier to let attorneys hash out the details.

no matter the outcome, remain a part of your childs life and be a good father. no matter if she does talk ill of you or not, don't talk bad about your ex. it serves no purpose other than make life more difficult for your child.
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Old 02-25-2013, 05:24 AM   #20
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A big thank you to all u guys for the advice ..I really dont have anybody to ask so that's y I asked u guys..it has all been very heart felt advice so again a big thank you

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