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Old 03-06-2013, 04:44 AM   #161
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I have gone through two divorces,, the second was easier simply because I knew what to expect. Definitely get a lawyer, follow his advice as much as possible, discuss the details with no one,, it will get back to your spouse no matter what one may think. You will have troubles with the child support bureau whether you did anything wrong or not, prepare to be treated poorly by the court system. I have heard that civil courts don't try to be as politically correct as at one time, so if you have a good job you will not be considered a lamb for slaughter. No matter what you let her have now, it means nothing in a final settlement,, they are considered gifts for the most part since you are legally married. Simply prepare yourself for things you will think cannot happen and remember neither party really wins,, unless it is a celebrity thing,, and you will get over it and keep the kid safely out of the proceedings and do your best to let the child know it is not their fault or anything.
The child support people are the worst. When the divorce was done and I knew what the child support would be I started holding it back, it was 6 or 8 weeks before they started deducting from my pay check. The week they started deducting it I went to the local office with my check book to get caught up on what they didn't deduct for the previous weeks.

I argued with them for 20 minutes because they couldn't believe that I was there to get caught up not bitch about them or my ex. After 20 min of that it took another 20 min to get an exact total of how far I was behind. They never did give me more than an estimate of what I owed.
Then instead of my profit sharing check this feb, I get a letter stating that they were holding my check untill child support told them that I was not behind. I got my check about a week after the rest of the guys. Nothing like "Guilty untill proven Innocent".

I redid my tax witholdings so I would owe on my income tax instead of get a refund for this reason
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Old 03-06-2013, 01:57 PM   #162
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F4U is exactly right about the CSB,,, I was called in asking why my employer did not send them a check every week,, I get paid every two weeks, just like their office. It took a month or so before they got that one figured out and made phone threats,etc. You try to do what is right and according to them, every father is a deadbeat dad. Good luck and keep your cool with them.

Jeff

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Old 03-06-2013, 03:35 PM   #163
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I wonder how they feel about fathers who receive the child support checks... Not that I give two ****s.

This month should be my first month receiving it through them.

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Old 03-07-2013, 02:33 AM   #164
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F4U is exactly right about the CSB,,, I was called in asking why my employer did not send them a check every week,, I get paid every two weeks, just like their office. It took a month or so before they got that one figured out and made phone threats,etc. You try to do what is right and according to them, every father is a deadbeat dad. Good luck and keep your cool with them.

Jeff
I screwed up my shoulder last fall and missed about 3 months of work. I used my vacation time to fill in untill my short term disability insurance kicked in so I never missed a payday in the begining although 2/3 of 40 hours really sucks compared to all of 50-55 hours. When I started back to work there was a week when I had no pay, about a week and a half later it dawned on me that no pay = no child support. I call the ex, sure enough she didn't get anything that week.

"Why didn't you tell me"

" I don't want to be the type of ex that constantly bitches about money"

" Okay I do appreciate that but I don't want to be the deadbeat dad whose picture is on the milk carton when I eat my cereal in the morning"
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Old 03-07-2013, 02:40 AM   #165
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I wonder how they feel about fathers who receive the child support checks... Not that I give two ****s.

This month should be my first month receiving it through them.
The ugly truth is they don't care who gets the support as long as somebody does so they get their "service fee".

I have a friend who has inoperable cancer, his youngest is 17 his ex has repeatedly said in person and in writing I don't want child support, he already helps all of the kids as much as he can. They still keep coming after him because if she don't get nothin' they don't get nothin'.
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Old 03-07-2013, 02:45 AM   #166
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When I lived in FL and went through my divorce we had a son. By state law if there is a child involved you must attend a parenting class before a divorce. The first thing that is taught to you is to NEVER use the children as pawns!
Anyway, I had sole parental custody of my son and raised him from the age of 6 years old.
She was such a bad parent the judge ordered her to NEVER see him until he turned 18!
I can say this and you can quote me on it; "She was spawned by Satan himself!"

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Old 03-07-2013, 02:53 AM   #167
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I do know how difficult a divorce can be. Married for 21 years I thought it would be forever. Ex ran off with another real estate agent she worked with. Our son was already in the Coast Guard so no child support. I took it pretty hard in the early stages, then it dawned on me I had nobody to tell me no. Went out and bought that Luger I always wanted. Once you overcome the depression and clear a few bumps in the road, life can be okay. MHO

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Old 03-07-2013, 03:00 AM   #168
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I do know how difficult a divorce can be. Married for 21 years I thought it would be forever. Ex ran off with another real estate agent she worked with. Our son was already in the Coast Guard so no child support. I took it pretty hard in the early stages, then it dawned on me I had nobody to tell me no. Went out and bought that Luger I always wanted. Once you overcome the depression and clear a few bumps in the road, life can be okay. MHO
Working on that now, but not anywhere near there yet though. Still have the absurd hope that she will change her mind.
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Old 03-07-2013, 11:05 AM   #169
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Working on that now, but not anywhere near there yet though. Still have the absurd hope that she will change her mind.
even if she does realize what she did was wrong and for the wrong reasons, the chances of her coming back are slim. many times even if they do, it usually end badly again. best thing to do is move on with your life and find someone new.
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Old 03-07-2013, 11:44 AM   #170
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"Even if you work things out with her now, your trust is broken. What kind of foundation do you have to build on without trust?"~ Downsouth, to me, February 2012.

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