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Old 03-02-2013, 02:01 AM   #141
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That's nothing short of beautiful and you guys have it figured out. That's plain to see.

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Old 03-02-2013, 02:06 AM   #142
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That's nothing short of beautiful and you guys have it figured out. That's plain to see.
It took a lot of pain and tears to get here......
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Old 03-02-2013, 04:22 AM   #143
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My parents went through a very nasty divorce in 1999, they still talk on a regular basis. Actually my dad has offered for my mom to move back in with him recently. Weird.
Huh. I went through my own acrimonious divorce in 1999. I refuse to this day to even speak her name aloud. When my Dad was dying of cancer a few years ago, she didn't even visit him in the hospital where she worked!
Not that I wanted to see her there anyway...

OP, lawyer up - you'll get screwed otherwise. And you won't be smiling after.
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Old 03-02-2013, 06:59 AM   #144
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divorce is hard, no matter if it's civil, or a knock down drag out fight to the death. it's hard on everyone.

several have said the person you are divorcing isn't the same one you married. well i have to agree with that. or sometimes you find out the person you married isn't the person you thought they were, which is just as bad.

when there are children involved, they are the ones most affected and hurt, especially if they are younger children. many times it's hard for them to understand why mommy and daddy are not together anymore.

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Old 03-02-2013, 10:00 PM   #145
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I had a friend in Memphis whose parents lost interest in each other somehow but managed to "fake it" until their kids got out of high school. I was always impressed by that; they must've given up a lot for their kids.



With all of this experience in divorce, have any of you learned anything that could help one of my shooting buddies? He and his wife haven't been married more than a year or so and were married due to an somewhat unexpected pregnancy. Their issue seems to be that each feels the other isn't putting in enough effort/time; she complains that he doesn't spend enough time with his kid after work, while he seems to feel very stressed about money and underappreciated as the sole breadwinner in the family. Neither had a good/stable/present/sober father in the home during their own childhoods, so far as i know, and i wonder if the lack of a "father example" for those early childhood years could be the root of the problem. I suggested he help her find a job and take a bigger role in the kid's life by being the sole care-giver when she works, as their work schedules allow. He indicated that his past efforts in that area had been rebuffed.

They have faced some challenges already when he was injured in a serious car wreck, and i would hate to see them end up scrapping the marraige over something that seems simple to a lifelong bachelor.

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Old 03-02-2013, 10:27 PM   #146
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I had a friend in Memphis whose parents lost interest in each other somehow but managed to "fake it" until their kids got out of high school. I was always impressed by that; they must've given up a lot for their kids.



With all of this experience in divorce, have any of you learned anything that could help one of my shooting buddies? He and his wife haven't been married more than a year or so and were married due to an somewhat unexpected pregnancy. Their issue seems to be that each feels the other isn't putting in enough effort/time; she complains that he doesn't spend enough time with his kid after work, while he seems to feel very stressed about money and underappreciated as the sole breadwinner in the family. Neither had a good/stable/present/sober father in the home during their own childhoods, so far as i know, and i wonder if the lack of a "father example" for those early childhood years could be the root of the problem. I suggested he help her find a job and take a bigger role in the kid's life by being the sole care-giver when she works, as their work schedules allow. He indicated that his past efforts in that area had been rebuffed.

They have faced some challenges already when he was injured in a serious car wreck, and i would hate to see them end up scrapping the marraige over something that seems simple to a lifelong bachelor.
You seem to have it pretty well covered. Maybe they could get counseling at the church or something (thinking low to no cost). Even if only one of them goes it would help. As far as the father not spending enough time with the kid, that will bitehim in the ass in time. Sometimes sooner rather than later. Main thing to remember there is that while the wife is the one bringing it up (and she is most likely right about that) it is really the husband's problem. It affects her because she can't get any alone time to herself after he gets home from work, but it is or will be more of a problem for him when all is said and done.

As far as the money, that is a major problem if they don't both address it. Money issues will kill a marriage faster than just about anything else outside of infidelity.
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Old 03-03-2013, 01:45 AM   #147
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I had a friend in Memphis whose parents lost interest in each other somehow but managed to "fake it" until their kids got out of high school. I was always impressed by that; they must've given up a lot for their kids.



With all of this experience in divorce, have any of you learned anything that could help one of my shooting buddies? He and his wife haven't been married more than a year or so and were married due to an somewhat unexpected pregnancy. Their issue seems to be that each feels the other isn't putting in enough effort/time; she complains that he doesn't spend enough time with his kid after work, while he seems to feel very stressed about money and underappreciated as the sole breadwinner in the family. Neither had a good/stable/present/sober father in the home during their own childhoods, so far as i know, and i wonder if the lack of a "father example" for those early childhood years could be the root of the problem. I suggested he help her find a job and take a bigger role in the kid's life by being the sole care-giver when she works, as their work schedules allow. He indicated that his past efforts in that area had been rebuffed.

They have faced some challenges already when he was injured in a serious car wreck, and i would hate to see them end up scrapping the marraige over something that seems simple to a lifelong bachelor.
sad to say, but IMO this marriage is doomed. they got married for the wrong reasons and not any of the right ones. personally also, i don't feel all the counseling in the world will do any good. sounds like not enough give on both parts and the poor child is the one who is going to suffer the most. i hope i'm wrong, but have seen it too many times in the past. just my observation.
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Old 03-03-2013, 03:55 AM   #148
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sad to say, but IMO this marriage is doomed...
Thank you. I didn't want to be the one to say it.

I hate divorce. I don't believe in it. Not for religious reasons, but moral reasons. I took a vow, and I intended to honor it. As far as I was concerned though, with everything that happened, when she broke her vows so thoroughly, she released me from mine. Breach of contract.

Then, if I needed a religious reason, I had that too. Infidelity is, I think, the only biblical reason for divorce. There may be a couple more I don't know about though.
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Old 03-03-2013, 04:13 AM   #149
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Thank you. I didn't want to be the one to say it.

I hate divorce. I don't believe in it. Not for religious reasons, but moral reasons. I took a vow, and I intended to honor it. As far as I was concerned though, with everything that happened, when she broke her vows so thoroughly, she released me from mine. Breach of contract.

Then, if I needed a religious reason, I had that too. Infidelity is, I think, the only biblical reason for divorce. There may be a couple more I don't know about though.
i've had a very crappy week dealing with idiots so i am just a little more blunt than usual.

your ex defiled the vows she took in your marriage. after reading your lengthy story, i wonder if she ever did mean them. sort like how i feel about my first ex-wife. you meant the vows you took, and she didn't.

i hate divorce as well. but just like you, at some point you realize, it's not the best option or the easy option, but the only option. for the sake of your own sanity and the welfare of your son, i am glad you realized it was the only option available. one day, Trip Jr. will thank you when has more understanding of adult matters.
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Old 03-03-2013, 05:22 AM   #150
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Thank you. I didn't want to be the one to say it.

I hate divorce. I don't believe in it. Not for religious reasons, but moral reasons. I took a vow, and I intended to honor it. As far as I was concerned though, with everything that happened, when she broke her vows so thoroughly, she released me from mine. Breach of contract.

Then, if I needed a religious reason, I had that too. Infidelity is, I think, the only biblical reason for divorce. There may be a couple more I don't know about though.
Your situation is not what I what I was talking about either she clearly did not mean it when took the vows.

I was talking more about when the vows become inconvenient 10 years later because one party resents the fact that their parents didn't let them run wild when they were a teenager and they think 45 is not too old to take a shot trying their teenage years a second time. That is my situation after 15 years she want'd to "be on her own", and the hell with everybody else, family, creditors, our daughter, and I mean everybody else. Somehow she or her lawyer convinced her that because the bank would end up with every thing it was not her who was taking it, even though we were perfectly able to pay our bills before the divorce. And for the record when you look up sleazy divorce lawyer in the phone book his ad and picture are the first ones you see, I looked! He told her a bunch of lies to ease her conscience and get him a fee. He lied to me at one of the meetings very smoothly even though I called him on it he stuck with the lie and she believed him.

From my posts here you probably think I am bitter and hateful, but if she came to her senses tomorrow and wanted to come back I would probably let her because I meant my vows and do still love her even after a year apart and all of the crap she pulled.
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