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Old 02-26-2013, 05:10 AM   #101
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No my ex was totally responsible for it but she believed a lot of bullsh!t that she should have known better about. She is not stupid by any means. Her lawyer tried to pull some crap on me that even she wouldn't stand for.

As for the judge, what I meant was that whoever the judge was that made divorce so easy should be strung up by his balls. Divorce should be much harder and more painful for the person requesting it. Like I said it takes 15 minutes to destroy a family and ruin a little girls life.
so because my wife was drunk and cheated on me, it should have been harder and more painful for me to request a divorce?

like what i was going through wasn't already hard and painful?

sorry where is the logic in that? or was i simply to ignore what she was doing and turn a blind eye and stay married?
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Old 02-26-2013, 05:13 AM   #102
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so because my wife was drunk and cheated on me, it should have been harder and more painful for me to request a divorce?

like what i was going through wasn't already hard and painful?

sorry where is the logic in that? or was i simply to ignore what she was doing and turn a blind eye and stay married?
Either you meant your vows or you didn't, apparently she didn't but I can't believe there weren't signs before you got married.
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Old 02-26-2013, 05:18 AM   #103
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Either you meant your vows or you didn't, apparently she didn't but I can't believe there weren't signs before you got married.
i was 24 years old at the time. yeah, i meant them. i guess you have never been fooled or blindsided even once in your life by a woman? sadly i was fooled because i did love her and probably didn't see any of the signs if there were any.

so what was the reason your wife wanted a divorce?
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Old 02-26-2013, 05:19 AM   #104
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Either you meant your vows or you didn't, apparently she didn't but I can't believe there weren't signs before you got married.
The person you marry is never the person you divorce. He obviously would not have married her if he had thought she was a cheat and a liar. As for divorce being easy.......it took Fathead a full year to get divorced. I'm sorry that you had a terrible divorce experience, but please do not make assumptions about Axxe's previous marriage or the marriage of others. It is not kind.
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Old 02-26-2013, 05:39 AM   #105
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The person you marry is never the person you divorce. He obviously would not have married her if he had thought she was a cheat and a liar. As for divorce being easy.......it took Fathead a full year to get divorced. I'm sorry that you had a terrible divorce experience, but please do not make assumptions about Axxe's previous marriage or the marriage of others. It is not kind.
This is true the woman I married was not the woman that divorced me.

And this is my point my divorce was not "terrible" because she had been raised better and knew that what she was she was doing was wrong. Even her side of the family was against it. Her sister didn't talk to her for 6 months over it. She tried to make it as painless as possible for me again because she knew what she was doing was wrong.

I am not saying that divorce is never the answer, I am saying that it is too often the easy answer,
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Old 02-26-2013, 05:52 AM   #106
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This is true the woman I married was not the woman that divorced me.

And this is my point my divorce was not "terrible" because she had been raised better and knew that what she was she was doing was wrong. Even her side of the family was against it. Her sister didn't talk to her for 6 months over it. She tried to make it as painless as possible for me again because she knew what she was doing was wrong.

I am not saying that divorce is never the answer, I am saying that it is too often the easy answer,
i nall fairness, i too have seen people divorce because it was easier to quit that to try and make their marriage work. sometimes divorce is the best solution.

in the case of my first wife, it wasn't the easy solution or even the best solution, it was the only solution.

i was only married for a year and then seperated for over a year before i even filed for divorce. and to piss her off, i made my lawyer make her pay for it. she did. by the time my lawyer filed the paperwork he had dug up quite a bit of dirt and facts for proceedings. at the time of the court date she was living with a married man in another town!
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Old 02-26-2013, 05:59 AM   #107
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This is true the woman I married was not the woman that divorced me.

And this is my point my divorce was not "terrible" because she had been raised better and knew that what she was she was doing was wrong. Even her side of the family was against it. Her sister didn't talk to her for 6 months over it. She tried to make it as painless as possible for me again because she knew what she was doing was wrong.

I am not saying that divorce is never the answer, I am saying that it is too often the easy answer,
All I can see is that you are confused. At one point you are blaming a Judge for making divorce to easy, then it is accusations that people don't mean their vows when they make them and then you are blaming your wife for doing something that she recognizes is wrong.

Seriously my friend, you have not addressed one of the major factors in your divorce and that is you.

I am not divorced and hope we can reconcile, but its not looking good and my wife has said she is "done". I have gone to counseling, sought help with a shrink, quit drinking, changed my diet, and many other changes in myself that my wife says are reasons why she is fed up. It has not changed her mind. My wife has not been supportive in any of my efforts.

Both of us meant in our very hearts and souls our wedding vows when we made them. But in the time that has passed since those vows were made we have both changed. We have both been through some serious challenges, some very traumatic, some together and some apart. It has changed us in a way that has caused us to fall out of love with each other.

I honestly am beginning to think that marriage is becoming a thing of the past. We live too long these days to expect that we can love each other "till death do us part". Life is more complicated. Society has changed. I know several people who have married, had and mostly raised children, divorced and remarried and started new families and had more children and for the most part they are all family together and in a couple of cases the original married people are great friends again with the current married couples. Seems strange. But is it really?

For me, I don't really know why we got married in the first place. We are not particularly religious. Ours was a secular ceremony with a Judge officiating. Probably would have made things easier today had we never married.
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Old 02-26-2013, 06:13 AM   #108
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All I can see is that you are confused. At one point you are blaming a Judge for making divorce to easy, then it is accusations that people don't mean their vows when they make them and then you are blaming your wife for doing something that she recognizes is wrong.

Seriously my friend, you have not addressed one of the major factors in your divorce and that is you.

I am not divorced and hope we can reconcile, but its not looking good and my wife has said she is "done". I have gone to counseling, sought help with a shrink, quit drinking, changed my diet, and many other changes in myself that my wife says are reasons why she is fed up. It has not changed her mind. My wife has not been supportive in any of my efforts.

Both of us meant in our very hearts and souls our wedding vows when we made them. But in the time that has passed since those vows were made we have both changed. We have both been through some serious challenges, some very traumatic, some together and some apart. It has changed us in a way that has caused us to fall out of love with each other.

I honestly am beginning to think that marriage is becoming a thing of the past. We live too long these days to expect that we can love each other "till death do us part". Life is more complicated. Society has changed. I know several people who have married, had and mostly raised children, divorced and remarried and started new families and had more children and for the most part they are all family together and in a couple of cases the original married people are great friends again with the current married couples. Seems strange. But is it really?

For me, I don't really know why we got married in the first place. We are not particularly religious. Ours was a secular ceremony with a Judge officiating. Probably would have made things easier today had we never married.
I am not blaming a judge, I am blaming a system that says fill out this form and the last 30 years of your life will flushed down the comode in 15 minutes.

As for not meaning their vows, to me (and aparently only to me) you can't mean them now and then decide 10 years from now that they no longer apply.

My wife did do something she knew was wrong so I am not sure what you mean on that.

I am not saying I have no faults, and yes I did some things wrong, but that does not change any of the things I said earlier.

It seems to me that divorce has just become the "next" thing to do. What I mean is, you get out of school, you get married, you buy a house, you have kids, you get a divorce. It is just the next thing to do, no big deal.

Abuse is a whole different situation and not what I am talking about here.

I truly hope you and your wife can work it out especially if you have kids.
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Old 02-26-2013, 06:23 AM   #109
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This thread topic is probably one of the most difficult to come to this forum. Divorce is so emotional and disruptive.
No one plans for divorce in the beginning - at least normal people don't. But things happen. In some cases it could be drugs or alcohol - that stuff is almost impossible to fight. And you can't fight a spouse - trying to convince another person to change or be different. It just can't be done. Only that other person can change. - and they have to realize they need to change - and most do not.

Then it could be mental problems - hidden from before the marriage. Or it could be extreme outside family influence tearing the marriage apart through one partner that is reactive to that. Or it could be money - one of the biggest troubles. Or it could be cheating. Or ... so many many possibilities - and some are insurmountable - or made that way by one or both of the parties.

The kids... they suffer. And it is not right or fair. But raising kids in a battle-ground can ruin those kids lives, too. And that is a crime - that is doing no one any good - holding together a destructive marriage and ruining any kind of normal life potential for the children as they grow up. Those kids will not forget the way they were raised. They can't - they don't know any different. They will become messed up adults - and go on, themselves, into messed up lives - and then more new lives...
It's the children that suffer the most. And very many divorcing parents play the kids against the other parent - wrecking what could have been for the child - for years and years they do this. This stuff is heart-breaking....

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Old 02-26-2013, 12:37 PM   #110
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I promised my story, and I'm still gonna write it for y'all. I was asked about it yesterday. Its just too long to sit here and Swype it out on my phone.

I'll be trying to sit down this evening and type it up on the computer and see if there is any way to transfer it and post it (I have no internet at home, only my phone).

I'm hoping that the perspective and experiences I went through will help some of you. Maybe help you get through your own trials by knowing how nasty things can be while at the same time there is hope, and I pray more than anything it may help someone keep their marriage going.

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