You are Unregistered, please register to use all of the features of!    

Firearm & Gun Forum - > General Discussion Forums > The Club House >

Deer Santa....

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-15-2009, 01:49 PM   #1
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tornado \"Just Blow Me\" Alley,Oklahoma U.S.A.
Posts: 8,424
Liked 28 Times on 22 Posts

Default Deer Santa....


I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling, boy-wonder. You're on your way to a medicore career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Stop pestering me.

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Dear Teddy,
Look son, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat-assed mommy, who rides his poor ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream, kid. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those, whatcha say?

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a PlayStation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.

Dear Campbell,
Who the f*ck names their kid "Campbell" nowadays? I bet you're freakin' gay.

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Dear Susan,
Look, milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them an extra slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Tell your mom she got the part.
"Long Dong" Claus

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Live with it.

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?

That whiney begging sh1t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you keep getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the neighborhood boys do, through your sister's bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Merry F*cking Christmas, Jack



"There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter." - Hemingway

“The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about.”
IGETEVEN is offline  
Reply With Quote

Join Today - It's Free!

Are you a firearms enthusiast? Then we hope you will join the community. You will gain access to post, create threads, private message, upload images, join groups and more.

Firearms Talk is owned and operated by fellow firearms enthusiasts. We strive to offer a non-commercial community to learn and share information.

Join Today! - Click Here

Old 12-15-2009, 02:07 PM   #2
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: May 2009
Location: The woods,Arkansas
Posts: 3,415
Liked 2 Times on 2 Posts


Screen door in a hurricane...Classic. Nice work Jack. Merry F**king Christmas to you, too!

suprdave is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2009, 02:10 PM   #3
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
RCHanlin's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 289
Liked 34 Times on 25 Posts
Likes Given: 4

Default Rofl

That's just wrong..
GCA and RSA Member, NRA Life Member
RCHanlin is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2009, 02:30 PM   #4
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: I see you, and you will not know when I will strike
Posts: 24,301
Liked 3518 Times on 1623 Posts
Likes Given: 3590



Someone needs a hug me thinks!!

Where's Tangoliscious? Jack needs some holiday cheer.

Dillinger is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2009, 02:37 PM   #5
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 803
Liked 1 Times on 1 Posts


Epic, hahahha simply awesome. I would probably start answering letters like that too if I got that much mail.
The truth will set you free, but first it's going to piss you off.

"Time to nut up or shut up." - Tallahassee

"Life is tough, it is even tougher if you are stupid." - The Duke

Originally Posted by Duddn View Post
I'm a man, I see it as my obligation to like guns. And they are just so fun.
2hot2handle is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2009, 02:38 PM   #6
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
dunerunner's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Florence, Oregon
Posts: 8,480
Liked 36 Times on 26 Posts
Likes Given: 4


Thanks Jack!! LMAO!!
People get the government they deserve.
dunerunner is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2009, 03:21 PM   #7
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
CA357's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 19,871
Liked 1179 Times on 514 Posts
Likes Given: 2978


Now that's one festive emmeffer. Good one Jack.
“If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.”Samuel Adams
CA357 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2009, 05:48 PM   #8
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Stafford, Virginia,The state of insanity.
Posts: 14,043
Liked 52 Times on 42 Posts


Dear Santa
I want a new bike for christmas.

Dear Effing DOUCHE BAG Bobby
What kind of bike stupid, well you say bike do you want an effing harley or one of them stupid dam rice rockets or do you want a effing bicycle you dam moron. Good Lord kid be a little more specific so Tangoclause can get you want you don't want a DOUCHE BAG. I bet your at the bottom of your class you little turd muncher arn't you. I bet Little Johny the dumbest kid on the block is a higher reading level than you dumb azz. Go punch yourself in the junk till it falls off so you never have a chance to make more stupid babies.


cpttango30 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2009, 06:00 PM   #9
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 7,152
Liked 32 Times on 7 Posts


Thanks Jack (& Tango) I needed a good laugh today...
NGIB is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2009, 06:34 PM   #10
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,198
Liked 2 Times on 2 Posts

Default de ebonics Crimmus Pome

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus
And all ower da hood
ereybody wuz sleeping
Dey wuz sleepin' good.

We hunged up our stockings
An hoped like de' heck
That old Santa Clause
Be bringin' our check.

All o'de fambily
Wuz layin in de beds
While Ripple and Thunderbird
Danced through dey heads.

I passed out inna' flo'
Right nex to my Maw
When I heard sech a fuss
I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!

I looked out thru de bars
What covered my doe
'spectin' de sheriff
Wif a warrent fo sho.

And what did I see;
I said, "Lawd look at dat!"
Ther' wuz a huge watermellon
Pulled by giant warf rats.

Now ober all de years
Santa Clause, he be white
But looks liken us bros
Gets a black Sanna dis nite.

Faster dan a Po'lees car
My home boy he came
He whupped on dem warf rats
An' called dem by name.

On Leroy, on Lonzo
And on Willie Lee
On Saphire, on Chenequa
Dey wuz a site to see.

As he landed dat watta'mellon
Out der in da skreet
I knwed it was fo' sho'
Da damndest site I ebber did see.

He didn't go down no chimbley
He picked da' lock on my doe
An' I sez to myself
****! He done dis befoe."

He had dis big bag
Full of prezents I 'xpect
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
to wear roun' my neck.

But he left no good prezents
Jus started stealing my ****
Got my drugs, got my guns
Even got my burglars's kit.

Wit my stuff in de bag
Out da windo he flewed
I woudda' tried to catched him
But he stoled my 'nife too.

He jumped on dat wadda'mellon
An' whipped out a switch
He wuz gone in a seccon'
Dat son of a bitch!!

Next year I be hopin'
Anutha Sanna we git
Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause
Jus' ant' werf a ****!!!

slowryde45 is offline  
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Firearms Forum Replies Last Post
You’re Santa Wish List Jo da Plumbr The Club House 92 12-18-2009 05:02 AM
Santa barbara 30-06 judaist General Rifle Discussion 5 05-05-2008 02:23 AM