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Old 06-14-2011, 01:03 AM   #1
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Default Dear (Insert subject of choice)....

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving until 5.

Sincerely,
Unicorns


Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,
Logic


Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.

Sincerely,
The Titanic


Dear J.K. Rowling,

Your books are entirely unrealistic.. I mean, a ginger kid with two
friends?

Sincerely,
Anonymous


Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,
Canada


Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just
saying...

Sincerely,
Google


Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF
happened?!

Sincerely,
1985


Dear Windshield Wipers,

Can't touch this.

Sincerely,
That Little Triangle


Dear Rose,

There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us.

Sincerely,
Jack
PS, you let go


Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all
dead.

Sincerely,
BP


Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,
God


Dear Fox News,

So far, no news about foxes.

Sincerely,
Unimpressed


Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,

Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder


Dear Nickleback,

That's enough.

Sincerely,
The World


Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,

Please make one for every skin color.

Sincerely,
Black people


Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin


Dear Osama Bin Laden,

Marco....

Sincerely,
The United States


Dear World of Warcraft,

Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.

Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere


Dear Anne Frank,

Two can play this game....

Sincerely,
Waldo


Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely,
Superman


Dear Customers,

Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies


Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely,
Alcohol


Dear Mr. Gump

WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that
tells you EXACTLY what you're gonna get....

Sincerely,
Jenny


Dear Katy Perry,

I liked the kiss too.

Sincerely,
Justin Beiber


Dear Haiti,

Is it too early to ask what's shakin'?

Sincerely,
Seriously Going To Hell


Dear Martin Luther King Jr.

I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream....
What now?

Sincerely,
Leonardo Di Caprio


Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because
some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?

Sincerely,
The Mayans


Dear Snooki,

GET BACK TO WORK!

Sincerely,
Willy Wonka


Dear White People,

Don't you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,
Native Americans


Dear iPhone,

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You
piece of shut.

Sincerely,
Every iPhone User


Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,

Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you
go?

Sincerely,
Terrified


Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...

Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore


Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,
Elephant


Dear Dr. Phil,

Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I
was here first.

Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper


Thread Disclaimer:

Again, an equal opportunity offender. All comments expressed in this thread are those solely of the original OP and no way reflect the opinions of the Moderators or Administration. No animals were harmed in the production of this thread.

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Old 06-14-2011, 01:09 AM   #2
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Default

Quote:
Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because
some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, ok?

Sincerely,
The Mayans
Best one of the lot. Absolutely awesome!!

Thanks Jack!

JD
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Old 06-14-2011, 01:18 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IGETEVEN View Post
Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
pumping through them, they can never get an erection.

Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,
Logic
IMO, something that runs through the woods, sparkles and doesnt kill people are NOT vampires, they are FAIRIES! Just sayin....
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Old 06-14-2011, 01:21 AM   #4
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IMO, something that runs through the woods, sparkles and doesnt kill people are NOT vampires, they are FAIRIES! Just sayin....
LMAO!! That's awesome.
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Old 06-14-2011, 01:23 AM   #5
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Very funny. Thanks for the laughs.

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Old 06-14-2011, 09:40 AM   #6
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Default Dear Afghanistan

Dear Afghanistan,
We are just as tired of you as you are of us.
sincerley, US military

Dear Sand,
Please stay out of my drawers and my M4!!
Sincerely reaper 61

Dear ChowHall,
Stop serving fake shrimp!!! It's gicing me the $#!t$!!!!

Dear Platoon Sergeant,
Please stop coming to my tent at 0245 and asking me to do paperwork that isn't due for over a month!!

Dear Johnny Jihad,
Please stop motaring the FOB while I'm trying to take a ****!!!

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Old 06-14-2011, 10:02 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reaper61 View Post
Dear Afghanistan,
We are just as tired of you as you are of us.
sincerley, US military

Dear Sand,
Please stay out of my drawers and my M4!!
Sincerely reaper 61

Dear ChowHall,
Stop serving fake shrimp!!! It's gicing me the $#!t$!!!!

Dear Platoon Sergeant,
Please stop coming to my tent at 0245 and asking me to do paperwork that isn't due for over a month!!

Dear Johnny Jihad,
Please stop motaring the FOB while I'm trying to take a ****!!!

WELL DONE, Reaper 61
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Old 06-14-2011, 10:55 AM   #8
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Dear ugly bitch from the store,

Next time I see you coming I'm gonna smash your face with the door. I'm sick of holding the door for you just to see you make that witch face. You could at least say thanks or something you old crab.

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Old 06-14-2011, 10:57 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jca1 View Post
Dear ugly bitch from the store,

Next time I see you coming I'm gonna smash your face with the door. I'm sick of holding the door for you just to see you make that witch face. You could at least say thanks or something you old crab.

I agree. A polite gesture deserves a polite response. I don't understand it, either.
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Old 06-14-2011, 11:47 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reaper61 View Post
Dear Afghanistan,
We are just as tired of you as you are of us.
sincerley, US military

Dear Sand,
Please stay out of my drawers and my M4!!
Sincerely reaper 61

Dear ChowHall,
Stop serving fake shrimp!!! It's gicing me the $#!t$!!!!

Dear Platoon Sergeant,
Please stop coming to my tent at 0245 and asking me to do paperwork that isn't due for over a month!!

Dear Johnny Jihad,
Please stop mortaring the FOB while I'm trying to take a ****!!!

Well played. A few more to add to the deployment fun.


You, you ass-clown wearing a poorly fitted jackass rig with your brand new dusty M9 pointing at me while you walk,

Get a real holster. Maybe get one that you can wear with the brand new body armor someone decided you needed to sign for and leave in the plastic.

Sincerely,
Everyone that knows how to carry a damned pistol


Dear head count at the DFAC,

Seriously, I'm on uniform and I'm carrying my weapon. You don't need to see my CAC.

Sincerely,
Every warfighter


Dear Little smelly guys that work in the DFAC,

If you see me trying to maneuver the DFAC with a tray full of food and the other hand full of delicious licky-chewies; GTF outta my way!! Also, keep your smelly ass away from my table while I'm eating. You may need to clean that speck right now but your aroma ruins my meal.

Sincerely,
Servicemembers


Dear fat contractors,

We understand you NEED to eat. We understand you THINK you are more important than us. STOP taking all the chocolate chip muffins! Leave a few bananas for us. Maybe lay off the goodies and drop some weight. It's hot and your heart might not make it. I can hear you getting fatter.

Truly,
Servicemembers


Dear Fluor,

Hire some attractive women! This Euro-trash crap you sent us couldn't get laid in Europe and it does nothing for morale here.

Honestly,
BombDoc


Dear Air Force & Navy weightlifters,

There has not been a time we went to the gym and missed you. I don't know what you get paid to do but your lack of actual employment and abundance of gym time creates a scheduling conflict. Please have your people call our people so we can split our times.

Luv ya,
Soldiers & Marines


Muj ass-hats!

Stop lobbing IDF at us during our happy time. It's worse than when you did this during our poopie time.

BombDoc


Dear Officers I work with,

Please stop having me proof your admin work. I didn't go to college.

Sincerely,
BombDoc

Dear Officers I work with,

Please stop proofing my admin work. Yours was much worse!

Sincerely,
BombDoc
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Plenty of firearms and ammo.
A couple diesels sitting around.
Lots of learning to be done!!

Lifetime NRA Member


Last edited by BombDoc; 06-14-2011 at 11:50 AM.
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