dealing with siblings when a parent dies
 

holy crap, will this ride ever end?

Latest discovery... Sister decided to hold a memorial service, after she suggested to not spend the money, and didn't invite me {sigh}

executor has charged the estate over 10k in "services" including driving my sister around town at 35 per hour, plus mileage

now my sister is demanding I send her a copy of the death certificate... I'm guessing there's something nefarious with the credit union accounts...

Here a little something about executor fees:
http://www.ehow.com/info_8617788_fees-estate-executors.html

Why did the executor drive the sister around? That was not a requirement in his duties.
If he / she did it as a favor, then the executor gets zip/nada/nothing.
If the sister offered to pay, then sister is responsible.

Heck, that is more than a taxi.

You have as much right as your sister to work with credit unions (and the CUs will accept a copy from you. It does not need to come from sister.)
But the credit union should have been part of executor's duties.

dan,

You lit a fire under me. Just fired an email off to my attorney telling him to get control of this situation or find someone that could.

This is all kinds of crazy, I agree with dan, that would be the best plan of action.

Executor works for the estate of the deceased, not the heirs. Duties and responsibilities should be limited to safeguarding the estate assets, filing required notices and probate documents and arranging for the tax returns leading to the distribution of the estates assets to those named in the Will. Not sure serving as your sister's driver qualifies...as a beneficiary named in the will you have the right to challenge the amounts charged and petition the Court for a complete accounting of every dollar spent by the executor. If you feel that the Executor is not acting in a manner consistent with his fiduciary responsibility TO YOU you can bring an action against him for conversion.

Also, I believe that technically your sister cannot touch the estate assets if she is not a co-administrator or co-executor (executrix ?) Until the estate is closed the executor retains complete control of all estate assets, typically neither he nor the assets are permitted to leave the state of residence of the deceased.

All this is true as I understand it. The problem is that you will have to pay the attorney to get it straightened out. The executor can be sued, but you will have to retain an attorney to do it and you better know exactly what has been done that is illegal.

A buddy of mine had a bad deal after his father died. The dad had taken in a young gal off the streets of Modesto (seriously? The streets of Modesto are literally littered with crack whores looking for a sugar daddy to leech off of for as long as they can) who changed his will to leave everything to her. He was very sick and she would not allow any family to see him, kept the old guy locked up in his house until he died. My buddy hired an attorney and told him to sue until the entire estate was burned up, or the b!tch gave up. It was the former, not the latter outcome.

If you are not desperately in need of the cash in the estate then maybe that is a tactic you might consider.

Keep hanging in there man! I agree with seeking legal counsel to reign in the sister, executor, and any unneeded spending and to generally get this process done and settled ASAP.

I am sooo dreading this; i am the youngest of four with the eldest being a world-class control freak and greedy bitch. I have told my parents that they should do their very best to leave nothing behind, financially.

I also highly recommend that if you can to convince everybody you can to make out a will or trust or whatever works for them, naming an executor who is not named in the will. Maybe even have an attorney or pastor named in that role. Anybody but a control freak child. Oh, and encourage them to leave nothing of value behind.

Very sorry for your loss. It seems you do need to get some legal counsel on this. It seems a little shady to me.

One thing that people forget when a loved one dies,
The insurance monies go to the beneficiaries and is NOT part of the estate.

When I was involved with a friend's estate (he died and we had to take care of his elderly spouse, who had dementia and spoke only Japanese), his estate came to a negative balance.

Bill collectors were hounding her for her money from his insurance to pay bills the deceased had in his name only. I referred them to the attorney who told me that the money was her's and not the estate's.