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Old 04-27-2012, 05:29 AM   #1
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Default Childhood Archery...

I bet most of us have seen this email before, but it always cracks me up.
Mainly because I did very similar things.

Quote:
Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow
beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking
arrows in anythingthat could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a
1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down?

Tough sumbich. That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard
fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused
in chainsaw gas tiedaround the end and was sending flaming arrows all over
the place. One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large
rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a
shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether).

The lightbulb went off in my head. I grabbed the can and set it on the
stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing
manner. Let's face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, Ether
really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got
a 1 pound can of black powder for muzzle loader rifle. At this point, I set
the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My
intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta
dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. black powder and 16 oz ether should
make a loudpop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? Screw
that, I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can
of black powder and dumped it, too. Now we're cookin'.

I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my
cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched
from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting
out of the truck... OH S%#T! He just got home from work. So help me John
Wayne, it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can.

My dad was walking towardsme in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes.
I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the
starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of black
powder and into the can. Oh #$%#!!!. When the shock wave hit it knocked
me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that
threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fricking decibels of sound. I
caught a halfa millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion
and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above
the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer
of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two. The daylight
turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE FRICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE!!!

There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture.
Notice I said "was". That sumbich just got up and ranoff. So here I am,
on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats
T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what
I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback: ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE...YOU'RE
BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE!! DAMNIT, CEASEFIRE!!!!! His hat
has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway. All windows on the
north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom
cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard. There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler
parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down
and are now touching the tires.

I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know - I know
I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head.
I don't think he heard me either, not that it would really matter. I don't
remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and
then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later... repeat this
process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my
mom had to give me CPR and Dad screaming "Bring Him back to life so Ican kill
him again". Thanks Mom.

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again, Mom
had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything
about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business. Dad sold his
muzzle loader a week or so later. I still have some sort of bone growth
abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both. I guess what
I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good discipline and
will teach them skills they can use later on in life.
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Old 04-27-2012, 07:23 AM   #2
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Bwahahahahaha. I would have paid to see that happen.

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Old 04-27-2012, 07:32 AM   #3
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That's a good one.

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Old 04-27-2012, 01:58 PM   #4
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ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!

>>>wiping tears<<<

I can see myself and my misspent youth in that entire tale....

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