Blackmail question. Need help!
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:19 AM   #1
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My ex belongs to a church and is a religion that requires that they do not wear pants or cut their hair. In our divorce decree it states that I will not require my daughter to wear pants but that if she asks to wear them, she can. A couple of weeks ago, my daughter asked for shorts so I bought them... Her mother always gives her the third degree when she gets home and my daughter told her that she wore shorts. Her mom asked to speak to me and my wife during which time she said that if my daughter will be allowed to wear shorts that she can never come over again and that we can call the police if we want to. She then left me a message stating that if we did not come to a resolution (her way) before Friday that my daughter would not be there when I picked her up. When I called her back she made me agree to remove all pants/shorts from my home or she would withhold my daughter. We spoke to a detective (friend of a friend) and he said that she could withhold my daughter until a Judge orders the police to do something. I did not want to put my daughter through not being Able to see me until a judge sorted that out. My question is....is there anything I can do legally to press charges against her for blackmail (do what she wants or don't see my daughter). I will be contacting a lawyer but I wanted to know if anyone has experience with this. We have been dealing with a ton of nonsense for over 8 years now....Thanks for any advice.

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Old 05-17-2013, 12:30 AM   #2
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Blackmail!? Not.

Do what your ex wife wants. That's where she lives. What religion doesn't allow shorts and slacks for women nor cutting hair? There's a God that requires this of the pious!?

If truly concerned and this is a cult you may need custody. But unless you're willing to go down that path, don't make it your daughter's problem; you deal with it yourself. Oh, by the way, she loves you but she WILL inevitably rat you out so don't be sneaky!!!

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Old 05-17-2013, 12:43 AM   #3
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Your ex is emotionally abusing your child as well as you.

This is the firm that got me custody of Sue.

http://cordellcordell.com/offices/indiana/

From what you've told us of your ex, and from what I know of you personally, (admittedly, not much), I can't fathom why she would be awarded custody and not you.

I prevailed even with a judge who OPENLY ADMITTED that she's biased towards moms, and I don't think your ex is any less psychotic than mine.

I suggest you do everything you can to see her, but my lawyer told me "do not, ever, under any circumstances, agree to anything not set in stone and signed off on by the judge."

If the divorce decree says that you get your daughter this weekend or that, and your ex withholds her for whatever non emergency reason, you MAY be able to file charges. At the very least, she should be brought up on contempt charges.

Do not bend to her will. She CAN NOT rewrite the divorce orders to suit her whims.

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Old 05-17-2013, 12:43 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by HockaLouis
Blackmail!? Not.

Do what your ex wife wants. That's where she lives. What religion doesn't allow shorts and slacks for women nor cutting hair? There's a God that requires this of the pious!?

If truly concerned and this is a cult you may need custody. But unless you're willing to go down that path, don't make it your daughter's problem; you deal with it yourself. Oh, by the way, she loves you but she WILL inevitably rat you out so don't be sneaky!!!
No she says no shorts in MY house. The religion is Apostolic Pentecostal. I have JOINT custody. She loved wearing the shorts and had no problem, but her mother interrogates her when she gets back from MY house.
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:46 AM   #5
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My ex belongs to a church and is a religion that requires that they do not wear pants or cut their hair. In our divorce decree it states that I will not require my daughter to wear pants but that if she asks to wear them, she can. A couple of weeks ago, my daughter asked for shorts so I bought them... Her mother always gives her the third degree when she gets home and my daughter told her that she wore shorts. Her mom asked to speak to me and my wife during which time she said that if my daughter will be allowed to wear shorts that she can never come over again and that we can call the police if we want to. She then left me a message stating that if we did not come to a resolution (her way) before Friday that my daughter would not be there when I picked her up. When I called her back she made me agree to remove all pants/shorts from my home or she would withhold my daughter. We spoke to a detective (friend of a friend) and he said that she could withhold my daughter until a Judge orders the police to do something. I did not want to put my daughter through not being Able to see me until a judge sorted that out. My question is....is there anything I can do legally to press charges against her for blackmail (do what she wants or don't see my daughter). I will be contacting a lawyer but I wanted to know if anyone has experience with this. We have been dealing with a ton of nonsense for over 8 years now....Thanks for any advice.
is there a set of guidlines the judge set forth in your divorce like weekly visitayions or weekends holidays that type of thing,because if there is she can not hold your daughter from you.
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:49 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trip286
Your ex is emotionally abusing your child as well as you.

This is the firm that got me custody of Sue.

http://cordellcordell.com/offices/indiana/

From what you've told us of your ex, and from what I know of you personally, (admittedly, not much), I can't fathom why she would be awarded custody and not you.

I prevailed even with a judge who OPENLY ADMITTED that she's biased towards moms, and I don't think your ex is any less psychotic than mine.

I suggest you do everything you can to see her, but my lawyer told me "do not, ever, under any circumstances, agree to anything not set in stone and signed off on by the judge."

If the divorce decree says that you get your daughter this weekend or that, and your ex withholds her for whatever non emergency reason, you MAY be able to file charges. At the very least, she should be brought up on contempt charges.

Do not bend to her will. She CAN NOT rewrite the divorce orders to suit her whims.
She is in contempt, but she will withhold her until a court date. That's my biggest problem. We've contact to friends that are police and both said that they cannot force her to give my daughter to me on my visitation. The custody problem is that she will bully my daughter, so that she will say she doesn't want to stay with us. I know you went through some horrible sh!t and this SUCKS!!!!!
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:49 AM   #7
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First of all -- and this is important -- do not get into a pissing contest with your ex. By that, I mean DO NOT do things like not paying child support if your ex does not give your your visitation. Follow the provisions of the divorce decree, and keep your actions REASONABLE. Act as though everything you say and do with regard to your ex and daughter will be retold in court. Because it very might be. And if it comes to court, you want to be on the side of the angels -- the reasonable party who has followed the provisions of the decree, and not the one (as your ex may be) who has violated the judge's orders.

You don't say how old your daughter is, or how your relationship with your ex is generally. How important is this issue? Is it worth the bad feelings and damage to whatever working relationship you and your ex have? Is it worth the money for going back to court?

If you trust the lawyer that did your divorce, discuss the issues with him; if not, consult another attorney. Keeps notes with the date, time, and circumstances of any conversation or contact with your ex. See if you can get these threats to withold visitation documented by written letter, recorded conversation, or third party witness.

(I am an attorney who hates family law, but have unfortunately been involved in more cases than I want to be),

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Old 05-17-2013, 12:54 AM   #8
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If it states in your decree that you get visitations, she cannot legally withhold her. If I went to pick my daughter up and she was being withheld, I would call the police. She is breaking a "court order" for personal reasons and that is BS. I would definitely have a lawyer handy cause it sounds like SHTF!
My daughter was 11 when I got a divorce, spent 2 yrs in court trying to get "just visitations". She turns 18 in Dec. and I havent seen her since she was 11.
Good luck! Keep us posted!

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Old 05-17-2013, 12:55 AM   #9
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She is in contempt, but she will withhold her until a court date. That's my biggest problem. We've contact to friends that are police and both said that they cannot force her to give my daughter to me on my visitation. The custody problem is that she will bully my daughter, so that she will say she doesn't want to stay with us. I know you went through some horrible sh!t and this SUCKS!!!!!
If it comes to that, then you should probably consider carrying on business as usual. Like was mentioned, continue doing everything you've been ordered to do, and let your ex remain in contempt, which will only build your case.

Document your requests to see your daughter.

Also, I have no idea how crap is run up there, but down in Mississippi, at least in the district my divorce took place, kids under 12 aren't even allowed in the courtroom in custody disputes that don't involve criminal allegations.

Which also means, when my ex got on the stand and said, "Sue told me he wants to live with me!", my lawyer jumped up screaming, "OBJECTION!! HEARSAY!!" and had that statement thrown out.
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:58 AM   #10
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My other concern is will she try to knitpick EVERYTHING I do with my daughter and try this tactic again!!!

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