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Old 03-08-2013, 05:52 AM   #271
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" If you don't attend funerals, don't expect to see very many people attend yours "

" If customers won't come into your store, there's no way you can stop them ".

" If one's good, two's better and three's a gas ".

" Anything worth doing is worth over-doing . "

" Never give advice because the ones who'd heed it don't need it and the ones who need it won't heed it "
( to which someone replied : " Thank you for that advice ". )

" No one makes the pilgrimmage to Mecca anymore because it's too crowded "

" Even moderation shouldn't be done to excess ".

" Don't tell me about your labor pains. Just show me the baby . "

" The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse get's the cheese ".

" Don't work on something if you might fvck up more than you fix up . "

" The boxing rule : Don't bet on the white guy . "

" A good marksman corrects his errors. A bad marksman moves the target closer ".

" Behind every satisfied woman is an exhausted man ".

" Never sleep with anyone crazier than you are . "

" If I don't get laid soon, I'm gonna hurt somebody ".

" Never believe anyone who says, ' I love you ' in bed . "

" Sleeping with your wife is like striking out the pitcher. "

" The secret to good marksmanship is deciding what the target was after you fire . "

" What we've learned from YouTube : being video taped causes injuries " .

" If you're lookin' to get saved, you'd better go back to from where you came ;
because the cops don't need you and man they expect the same " .
-Bob Dylan- lyrics from a song

" You can't spell 'Crap' without 'rap' . "

" When all is said and done, much more is said than done ".

" Always drink upstream from the herd ;
Never look straight up at a bird ;
And don't squat with your spurs on ".
- Cowboy Wisdom-

" Never use a preposition to end a sentence with "
" Check your spalling "
" Avoid cliches like the plague ".
-The Gramarian-

" Alimony is the screwing you get for the screwing you got ".

" Attempting to reason with an idiot only reveals your own idiocy ".

" I want nothing but silence - and very little of that . "

" Friends don't let friends drive Fords . "

" Drunk Driving Caution : If you can't drive drunk, don't ; You're making it rough on the rest of us . " -comedian-

" Don't ask a surgeon whether you need surgery. "

" Never eat at a place called " Mama something's " .

" Hotter than a June bride in a featherbed ".

" Everybody makes mistakes. That's why they have Las Vegas ".
-Joe Pyne-

" Young men, be wary of a girl whose father calls her 'Princess' . Chances are she has come to believe it . "

" Young women, just because a man is old enough to be your father doesn't mean he thinks of you as his daughter. "

" All generalizations are false ".

" It's lonely at the top...especially if there's nobody on the bottom. " -Rodney Dangerfield-

" Everybody lies but it doesn't matter because nobody listens. "

" Never let people know what bothers you ".

" Find out what bothers people and ... Go for it ! "

" No woman ever rejected a man because he had too much money ".

" Nobody ever went broke by underestimating the taste of the public ".

" A man who can read good books but doesn't is no better off than a man who can't ".
-Mark Twain-

" In every generalization, there is a grain of truth. "

" Four moves equals one fire " -from Rules of Thumb

" Reality and my paranoia are getting closer and closer together " -Mort Sahl-

" Police brutality" is what we used to call "police protection" .

(Said about the Radio City Rockettes ) : " If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all ".

"99.2 % of all statistics are made up on the spot".

" Everybody generalizes. "

" Don't sit around the house when there is an entire Internet out there waiting to be explored . "

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Old 03-08-2013, 06:01 AM   #272
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Regina Brett’s Rules

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay cheque.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry..

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets and wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion, today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34.. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41.. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

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Old 03-08-2013, 06:08 AM   #273
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Warrior's Words To Live By


" Never do your enemy a minor injury ". -Machiavelli-

" Never confide to a friend anything you would not confide to an enemy ". -Felix Djerzinsky- ( Head of the Cheka, forerunner of the KGB )

" You have trusted the honor of men who have no honor ". -Cipriano- ( Character in an old Western )

" Live like Jesus and die like Samson ".

" No greater friend. No worse enemy. " -USMC-

" Judge people by what they do, not by what they say. " -USMC-

" You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything ". -Aaron Tippin song-

" You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows ". -Bob Dylan-

" Stand and fight "- Motto of the U.S. Navy ship, Anzio-

" Hit 'em on the end ! " - Nathan Bedford Forrest-

" I always tried to get there the first with the most men ." - Nathan Bedord Forrest-

" Keep the scare goin'." -Nathan Bedford Forrest-

" Nobody kills me and gets away with it ! " -Nathan Bedford Forrest-

" There is no substitute for victory ". - General Douglas MacArthur-

" One person can make a difference ". -Stephanie Roper- ( murder victim )

" Don't die for your country. Make some other son of a bitch die for his country ". -General George S. Patton-

" All war is based on deception". - Sun Tzu-

" If you see water flowing uphill, someone is returning a kindness". - African proverb-

" Principles are a lot easier to fight for than to live up to." -Barry Goldwater-

" Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice and moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue". - Karl Hess-

" Everybody talked a lot about fighting to the last man but only the Japanese actually did it ". -General Bill Slim-

" The best defense against the enemy's guns is a well-directed fire from our own guns " - Admiral Farragut-

" If you want peace, prepare for war". -German proverb-

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Old 03-08-2013, 06:27 AM   #274
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" I hate phonies ; I only pretend to like them. "

" If you think health care is expensive now, wait 'til it's free ".

" It is the duty of the host to make the guest feel at home. It is the duty of the guest to remember he is not. " ( Sign in an English Castle )

" The progress of mankind is so slow because people do not learn from the mistakes of others ".


" Occasionally, I forget where I am. Then I try to have an intelligent conversation and it all comes rushing back ".

" A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but so does a fall down a flight of stairs. "

" Support our troops. We'll need them to overthrow our government. "

" If you aren't living on the edge, you're taking up too much room. "

" There is always less honesty, intelligence and money than people think. "


" Free speech is a basic right ; Don't let anybody tell you different ".


" Anyone under 35 who is not a liberal has no heart and anyone over 35 who is not a conservative has no
brain. "

" Adventure is the result of poor planning ".

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Old 03-08-2013, 07:22 PM   #275
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" Too many birds on his antenna "

" Not the sharpest knife in the drawer "

" Not rowing with both oars in the water "

" Bats in the belfry "

" The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor "

" Not playing with a full deck "

" Not the brightest bulb on the tree "

" The lights are on but no one's home "

" Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice "

" Couldn't find his way out of a four-doored phone booth "

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Old 03-08-2013, 08:07 PM   #276
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I need a bucket of propellor pitch.

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An armed society is a polite society - Robert Heinlein
A Gun-Free-Zone is nothing more than a hunting preserve for wackos.

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Old 03-08-2013, 08:35 PM   #277
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You can't Polish a turd

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Old 03-08-2013, 08:45 PM   #278
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The wheel is spinning, but the hamster's dead

American beer is like making love in a canoe; it's f'n close to water

(Regarding the British company Lucas Electric) "Lucas, God of Darkness"

also "Why do the British drink warm beer?" -- Lucas refrigerators

Regarding aviation: Takeoffs are optional, landings are mandatory

Lesson on proper crashing: Hit the softest object at the slowest possible speed

Any landing that you walk away from is a good landing. Any landing where you can re-use the equipment is a GREAT landing.

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Old 03-08-2013, 08:46 PM   #279
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lfcshooter View Post
You can't Polish a turd
Actually, the Mythbuster guys did, several different types. made 'em shiny.
Must have been a slow season.
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Old 03-08-2013, 11:09 PM   #280
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I will never live to see the inside of a casket.

You better DON'T

If it doesn't fit force it, if it breaks it needed fixing anyway

If it breaks it will usually be in two or more pieces

If it has T!Ts or tires it will give you trouble

Never piss off the cook before you get your food

I wanted all I ever got, I just never got all I wanted

When you get out of school, go into debt, that way when you wake up and see the fish biting you drag your sorry butt off to work anyway--Thanks Dad

You had better give your Soul to the LORD, cause your A$$ is mine

Old enough to know better and too young to resist

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Don't question my right to own a gun and I won't question your stupidity not to.

You give Peace a chance, we will cover you if it doesn't work out.

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