Because I'm a man....
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Old 10-27-2010, 04:26 AM   #1
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Default Because I'm a man....

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I WILL win.
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Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and fart, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.' For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it...though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, guns, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you are feeling amorous afterwords...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2010, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest......Like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.


This has been a public service message and a somewhat feeble attempt to help women to better understand men.

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Old 10-27-2010, 04:29 AM   #2
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I am man, hear me roar????????

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Glass is proof that women have control over everything in the world.
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Glass has now achieved "Goddess Status" in my mind. I'm not worthy.....
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Old 10-27-2010, 04:47 AM   #3
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Because I'm a man, I will press the button on the remote harder even when i KNOW the batteries are dead.

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Old 10-27-2010, 05:01 AM   #4
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Advice from the Red Green Show- starting with the Possum Lodge motto: "Quando omni flunkus moritati" (Pseudo-Latin for "When all else fails, play dead"). From season six onward, this was often followed by the Man's Prayer: "I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess." In the final episode of the series, a revised version of the prayer was said: "I'm a man, but I changed, because I had to. Oh well." In one episode, women take over Possum Lodge and change the prayer to "I am woman, hear me roar. I'm in charge, get over it".

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Old 10-27-2010, 05:01 AM   #5
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That was great.

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Old 10-27-2010, 06:35 AM   #6
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Because I'm a man I will use a really expensive power tool to put a screw in to hang some doodad you picked up at a yard sale for $2.35. I wont think it's cute and will want to aid in the mysterious dissapearance of this item. But I wont do it because of the last time. I can still feel that bump on my head.

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Old 10-27-2010, 05:22 PM   #7
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I will say and do anything I damn well please!

In my mind.
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Old 10-27-2010, 06:02 PM   #8
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Funny as hell, Jack!

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Old 10-27-2010, 06:26 PM   #9
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I will say and do anything I damn well please!

In my mind.
Until the wife comes home!!
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Old 10-27-2010, 06:26 PM   #10
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Because I'm a Man, if I say it fits, then it fits.

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