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gregs887 05-07-2009 04:28 PM

Assault Vehicle Ban!
Since the Obama administration’s talk of banning so-called ‘assault weapons’ has resulted in a huge spike in semi-automatic weapon sales nationwide, the White House has recently begun a covert ‘whisper campaign’ suggesting the president might also ban U.S.-manufactured cars and trucks with fully-automatic transmissions, now dubbed ‘assault vehicles’.

President Obama reportedly hopes such chatter will give a much-needed boost to U.S. auto sales.

“These fully-automatics are the weapon-of-choice in the vehicular-manslaughter industry,” said one unnamed White House source. “The automatic transmission allows the killer to accelerate rapidly without the manual process of clutching and shifting gears. Assault vehicles murder roughly four times as many people each year as do firearms. If you include suicides, cars still kill nearly twice as many people compared with all types of guns.”

The administration source also noted that while people with criminal records make up the vast majority of gun-murder victims, ‘assault vehicles’ kill indiscriminately, murdering 39,800 Americans in 2008 alone.

“In most homicide-by-firearm cases, it’s one crook killing another,” said the source. “But automatic transmissions turn law-abiding citizens into killers of other law-abiding citizens, including women, children, seniors and innocent pedestrians.”

Publicly, the administration maintains that it supports an individual’s ‘right to keep and be borne upon wheels’, but the sophisticated whisper campaign is designed both to curry favor with the anti-car lobby, and to boost the economy by driving panic demand for fully automatics.

Jo da Plumbr 05-07-2009 04:30 PM

Very funny, thanks Greg

Benning Boy 05-07-2009 04:35 PM

Engine shrouds!;)

gregs887 05-07-2009 04:38 PM


Originally Posted by Benning Boy (Post 103349)
Engine shrouds!;)

The shoulder thing that goes up :confused::confused::confused:

Benning Boy 05-07-2009 04:43 PM


Originally Posted by gregs887 (Post 103353)
the shoulder thing that goes up :confused::confused::confused:

you know!:d;):d

Benning Boy 05-07-2009 04:46 PM

I'm laughing, but then I adjust my foil hat, and think about Fiat. Hmmm....:eek:

JoeCool 05-07-2009 10:39 PM

The fact is that most people killed by cars have automatic transmissions! We need to put a stop to this! BAN AUTOMATICS!

AdAstra2009 05-07-2009 10:43 PM

And Hi-capacity Gas tanks.
I suggest a nationwide 10 gallon limit.

JoeCool 05-07-2009 10:47 PM


Originally Posted by AdAstra2009 (Post 103523)
And Hi-capacity Gas tanks.
I suggest a nationwide 10 gallon limit.

Good point! Most cars that kill people have tanks larger than 10 gallons!

We should all send letters to our Senators. JD, can you organize a thread for us?

Carne Frio 05-07-2009 10:51 PM

I'm pretty sure that forks and spoons kill many more of us than
weapons or vehicles.:D

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