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Old 07-31-2009, 03:49 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by gregs887 View Post
I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.
Put that on a T Shirt, and make a million bucks.

Now where were we?
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Old 07-31-2009, 04:13 PM   #22
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Courtesy 101 & Man Fashion Day

You will call everyone older than you Sir or Ma'am.

You will hold doors open for everyone behind you and enter last.

You will practice opening car doors for women and closing them after they are comfortably seated.

You will practice saying Yes, please and No, thank you.

You will not once say whatever.

When a lady enters the room, you will stand up.

You will refrain from any obscenity when a lady is present.

There is no spitting on the sidewalk ever. There is never any spitting when a lady is present.

Man Fashion 101

The bill of a cap goes in front.

Pants are to be worn at the waistline, not below your skinny butt.

If any sign of your underwear may be seen, you will receive a wedgie that will extend to your neck.

Flip flops are only acceptable in the shower, the locker room, the beach or at the pool.

You will trim and clean your finger and toe nails.

While one earring may be acceptable in certain circumstances, multiple earrings look gay.

Piercings and particularly tongue piercings are not only unmanly, but they look gay. Unless you are gay, in which case, you are in the wrong forum. Go immediately to the Butt Buddies Forum sponsored by PBS, CNN and the Democratic Inclusiveness Caucus.

Men do not walk around holding their crotch. If you are afraid of losing your equipment, see the instruction directly above.
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Old 07-31-2009, 04:28 PM   #23
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Day 15: Chivalry is not Dead. Extension of day 14 above.

0530: S, S, S

0545: breakfast grits, eggs, bacon coffee thick as tar.

0600: Class: How to treat a young lady (A lady your age).

0700: 5 mile run

0800: How to talk to a lady. No foul language allowed. If you use foul language you will removed from class and given wall to wall counseling by our LCSW Brock Lesner.

0900: How to treat your elders. If you fail you will be sent to Chuck Norris for reeducation.

1000: Why you should act this way. If you fail this section of the course you will be drug out back and shot in the head with a 22lr until you either die of slit your own throat.

1100: 7 mile run with grocery order for Mrs. Burk. If you break an egg I break a finger. You lose something from her order then I cut a finger off.

1200: real world test with our daughters. If you fail our daughters will repeatedly kick you in the nuts until you can not reproduce ever.

1300: Lunch green bologna sandwiches and water. Don't like it well go kill something and prep, cook and eat it. better make it fast.

1400: pop quiz on all material up until today. Hands on and general knowladge test with an essay question with no less that 3,000 words.

1600: Helping ladies in any way.

1700: PT

1800: Dinner. real mans dinner with fried okra and chicken fried steaks mashed taters and collard greens.

1900: personal time (this is your time to crap really)

1915: Study time.

2000: Death pit maintenance (Quick lime and cover)

2200: TV time. real man shows like Chuck Norris films or anthing that involved people getting their asses kicked.

2400: early day lights out.


We need a celiberty day like Chuck Norris or Ted Nugent. Yah kill it and grill it with Ted day. That sounds like a bunch of fun. trying to hunt Mt. Lion while ted is shooting you with paint ball guns.

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Old 07-31-2009, 04:36 PM   #24
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So we're at day 14, and you 7 out of the original 100 are almost halfway there.

Farmwork and pork have given you a little more muscle, and your pasty pallor is gone.

I know some of you still want to be girls. That's okay. Goju and I were arguing over effective kicking technique, and have decided to resolve it by kicking you in the kidneys until you piss blood. With the internal pain, and blood spraying from your genitals, you'll feel like a girl.

Hopefully, if you live to be 35, you won't have to show the girl of your dreams the scrapbook photos of you looking prettier and more feminine than her.

Who wants to round out the first half?

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Old 07-31-2009, 04:38 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpttango30 View Post
Day 15: Chivalry is not Dead. Extension of day 14 above.

0530: S, S, S

0545: breakfast grits, eggs, bacon coffee thick as tar.

0600: Class: How to treat a young lady (A lady your age).

0700: 5 mile run

0800: How to talk to a lady. No foul language allowed. If you use foul language you will removed from class and given wall to wall counseling by our LCSW Brock Lesner.

0900: How to treat your elders. If you fail you will be sent to Chuck Norris for reeducation.

1000: Why you should act this way. If you fail this section of the course you will be drug out back and shot in the head with a 22lr until you either die of slit your own throat.

1100: 7 mile run with grocery order for Mrs. Burk. If you break an egg I break a finger. You lose something from her order then I cut a finger off.

1200: real world test with our daughters. If you fail our daughters will repeatedly kick you in the nuts until you can not reproduce ever.

1300: Lunch green bologna sandwiches and water. Don't like it well go kill something and prep, cook and eat it. better make it fast.

1400: pop quiz on all material up until today. Hands on and general knowladge test with an essay question with no less that 3,000 words.

1600: Helping ladies in any way.

1700: PT

1800: Dinner. real mans dinner with fried okra and chicken fried steaks mashed taters and collard greens.

1900: personal time (this is your time to crap really)

1915: Study time.

2000: Death pit maintenance (Quick lime and cover)

2200: TV time. real man shows like Chuck Norris films or anthing that involved people getting their asses kicked.

2400: early day lights out.


We need a celiberty day like Chuck Norris or Ted Nugent. Yah kill it and grill it with Ted day. That sounds like a bunch of fun. trying to hunt Mt. Lion while ted is shooting you with paint ball guns.
You, my friend, are sooo hired!
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Old 07-31-2009, 05:30 PM   #26
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I forgot one.

Hats are never to be worn at the table!

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Old 07-31-2009, 05:31 PM   #27
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What day are we up too??

Urban Survival Day:

Before dawn you will be taken, with your head in a burlap sack, to the middle of a City that you have never visited, in a state you know nothing about, and you will be dumped off in a rough part of town.

You will have your basic clothes, fresh new shoes that the locals will no doubt like, $7 in cash and no friggin idea which way is up.

You will be expected to traverse the City to a point that can be see on the skyline.

You will walk, you will hitchhike, you will learn about mass transit, you will learn how to make it thru an urban area without a cell phone, without a debit card and without any safety or comfort.

You will learn how to survive in a City without everything being brought to you. You will learn how far you can make $7 go if you need too - and that will include your food, your drink and your transportation.

By now, with all the PT and the hand to hand training, you should be able to take reasonable care of yourselves. If not, it's going to suck to be you.

Your reward for making it to the tallest structure on the skyline will be dinner with your instructors and you will be expected to tell of your travels. For 2 hours you will officially be 'One of the Guys' and treated as a peer, for the first time I would expect for most of you maggots, by real men.

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Old 07-31-2009, 05:41 PM   #28
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That is incredibly freakin awesome, and I've been there, and if I recall, it was $7 I had on me, in North Little Rock.

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Old 07-31-2009, 05:43 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Benning Boy View Post
Put that on a T Shirt, and make a million bucks.

Now where were we?
It IS a T-shirt. A very old one.
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Old 07-31-2009, 05:44 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Benning Boy View Post
That is incredibly freakin awesome, and I've been there, and if I recall, it was $7 I had on me, in North Little Rock.
Sweet! Do you still have your shoes? There's some real animals in NLR! Nice place!
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