Anti-Emo Rites of Passage
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Old 07-31-2009, 05:41 AM   #1
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Default Anti-Emo Rites of Passage

Since my bros are beating manly drums today, and most of us have our toenails clear, it's time to save our youth, and pass the acetelyne torch.

I propose a man boot camp, 30 days long. You will gain admission at 15 years of age. Fail, and you can spend the rest of your life earning minimum wage in a Vietnamese nail salon, making women attractive for real men.

In the vein of Skull's Man Law thread, I need 30 submissions for a 20 hour activity. It should build character, foster the confidence a boy will need to survive in a cold world, and drive out any desire to dress like Boy George.

Day 1: Breakfast will entail you taking your gay little @$$ to the woodline, where I will take care of your Emo hairdo with a Tom Brown Tracker knife. You will take that knife, harvest some hickory to smoke the boar you will be slaying, and learn to start a f*****g fire.

Harvest your pig. Believe it or not, that snorting evil monster is the same thing that comes on that bun at the food court, but you've never had to look it in the eye before it got to the bun. Now you do. Hungry yet? Punk.

Day 2, please, gentlemen.

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Old 07-31-2009, 05:58 AM   #2
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Oh this should be good....

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Old 07-31-2009, 06:15 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gregs887 View Post
Oh this should be good....
See, day 2 is gone already.

Day 2:

Drop you shoes and socks. You will be rock climbing and cave exploring. You will be given a shoulder bag for the collection of edibles. That includes insects, grubs and greens. No pork on this day.
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Old 07-31-2009, 06:34 AM   #4
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Day 3 Will consist of an all day trudge trough the jungle, in full combat gear, with a fully loaded pack, hacking away at the vines and underbrush to clear a path in the 100 degree heat, and 99% humidity. There will be no breakfast. Lunch and dinner will consist of cold c-rats served with warm canteen water purified with iodine tablets.

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Old 07-31-2009, 06:41 AM   #5
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Alright I'll play. Day 4: Auto shop. By the end of the session you will not only know basic automotive skills such as oil change and tire changing, but you will be able to perform more complex procedures such as a plenum gasket change or a transfer case rebuild and repair.

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Old 07-31-2009, 07:01 AM   #6
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Day 5: Fighting techniques and the ethics of fighting. How to understand the difference between fights like "friendly brawl" "less friendly fisticuffs" or a flat out "fight to the death." and understanding what strikes are unacceptable or acceptable, for instance.

In a friendly brawl, body shots are acceptable, as is grappling on the ground. While in LFF you're able to strike the face and some kicks.

In fight to the death, anything is allowed.

Edit: And most importantly, when to stop.

First one is on the tap out, second when they're knocked out, but you're then obligated to take them to the hospital if they require medical attention. Third, you call the police, or toss the body in the water.

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Old 07-31-2009, 07:33 AM   #7
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Day 6: Take them out and teach them contact sports. Starting with the old pig skin. No pads no nothing. Full contact football, followed by rugby. They will be allowed a light breakfast, and for lunch they will be sent straight to the gym for weight lifting, and dinner is whatever they can catch. They learned these skills day 2.

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Old 07-31-2009, 08:30 AM   #8
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Day 7. Your little retarded ungrateful self will be doing neighborhood chores all day long without any expectance of pay. You will learn the meaning of love and service and keep a motivated smile on your face if it kills you, maggot vomit.

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Old 07-31-2009, 02:39 PM   #9
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Day 8: Tangos Day of Madness

0430 day starts.

0500: breakfast

0530: road march to rifle range for maintence of the range.

0900: road march to Mrs. Johnsons house for lawn and house care. Mrs. Johnson needs help because her husband of 70 years is sick and in the hospital. Mr. Johnson is a WWII Vet who scaled the cliffs at Omaha beach. You will perform this work and what ever else Mrs. Johnson wants done for a payment of knowing that you helped a great person and great american.

1100: back to rifle range for BRM. If you don't qualify you will get a second chance if you fail twice then you will be out processed and given sex change and free nose job.

1400: road march back to base camp.

1500: personal time. To call mommy or daddy

1530: PT

1630: KP duty for all EMO's

1900: barracks clean up.

2100: EMO reeducation

2300: Team building exercise road march to obstacle course.

000: Obstacle course.

0330: Road march back to Barracks

0430: Sleep

0600: Day 9, Hearth and plow maybe.

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Old 07-31-2009, 02:52 PM   #10
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Oh my, yes. I knew you guys wouldn't let me down. Please continue.

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