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Old 09-13-2013, 10:44 PM   #21
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The stuff my sister pulled on me and with my mom should gain her 10 hundred years in purgatory. It was absolutely disgusting and mom might be alive today without her influence.

I kept asking my wife for her dad's (and mom's) DPOA leading up to his surgery. During rehab, my wife called his attorney and found out that mom was his DPOA, well crap, she can't handle her own responsibilities, much less his. While he was still lucid, his attorney was able to get my wife set as his DPOA, and it's a good thing, because he had a 2nd emergency surgery with some incredible issues.

With my mom, she decided to go home... she couldn't manage her own affairs, and especially couldn't manage her own medications.

We're going to have some tough discussions after he finishes in the rehab center. They are unable to continue actively manage their affairs. I hear there's an even better assisted living facility closer to our house than even the one my mom was in.

My own dumb a$$ kids are not responsible enough to know how to get into the safes, much less know about all the safes.

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Old 09-13-2013, 10:56 PM   #22
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Thanks for adding that. I see so many children trying to make decisions for their parents that are against their parents wishes while the parents are still able to make decisions for themselves. I can't stand to see that but it happens a lot. And I think that's perhaps the hardest thing for many elderly. They are often treated like children by their children instead of being given the respect they've more than earned.
My Mom was Sicilian and raised us with a very strong sense of "family". As for my Dad, I want him to have as much dignity as he can have. To be honest, he has little else right now. He is living in a nursing home and is pretty much wheel chair bound. He does walk as far as he can three times a day to each meal in the dining room but he doesn't make it very far. He actually likes the nursing home. He has friends, activities and he is very well taken care of. They have "progress meetings" every six weeks or so which I attend faithfully. And I told him if he ever decides he doesn't like where he's at, I will move him to somewhere else. For almost 8 years, my Dad had a live in care giver. She was awesome and has become a part of our family. As my Dad became more and more debilitated, she couldn't care for him well anymore. He became to difficult for her to assist in getting out of bed and he would call for her several times in the night to help him get to the bathroom. She was exhausted and she was starting to do damage to her back. It was a tough decision to tell my Dad he could no longer be cared for in his own home. He is doing so much better in the nursing home. It was a good decision for us all and he is quite happy there. He and his best friend there order out pizzas quite often and enjoy sitting outside most afternoons. The residents there are encouraged to do what they want as the nursing home is considered their home. They can bring in their personal furniture, to an extent, they can hang pictures on the walls of their rooms. We take my Dad out for holidays and family parties and he returns home as late as he wants. He has a beer or two when he's out with family and so far, it is a great situation for him.

My son got married in Jamaica in May and had a reception at home in June. I had to hire a private ambulance to get my Dad to and from the reception as he can longer easily or safely get into and out of a car. It was relatively inexpensive for the service the ambulance offered and my brother, sister and I split the tab. He is happy with his life at the nursing home though he misses the limits put upon him by his physical disabilities. He has made it clear when "his time comes" he is ready to go.
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Old 09-13-2013, 11:25 PM   #23
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I have spent hours with a metal detector trying to find tens of thousands of dollars that a family member had me bury for him. Apparently he moved it and then started spending it. We never found it and it appears, now in hindsight, that he spent it all. I truly hope that he did. The problem is that one never knows for sure and he never said anything about it. Oh well.

Also, do not forget to care for the caregivers. Caregiving is the hardest job of all and I can't tell you how hard it is to do it when your brother (in my case) will only drop by and visit for an hour, not leaving me enough time to run home, shower, change clothes and get back. Seriously, that happened when I was caring for my mother for three months after back surgery.

The other side of that is that he agreed to have her move in with them, so now I get to pop in for a visit whenever I want and I don't have to change diapers or bathe her. Not my job. I get to enjoy the visit and go home.

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Old 09-13-2013, 11:25 PM   #24
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My Mom was Sicilian and raised us with a very strong sense of "family". As for my Dad, I want him to have as much dignity as he can have. To be honest, he has little else right now. He is living in a nursing home and is pretty much wheel chair bound. He does walk as far as he can three times a day to each meal in the dining room but he doesn't make it very far. He actually likes the nursing home. He has friends, activities and he is very well taken care of. They have "progress meetings" every six weeks or so which I attend faithfully. And I told him if he ever decides he doesn't like where he's at, I will move him to somewhere else. For almost 8 years, my Dad had a live in care giver. She was awesome and has become a part of our family. As my Dad became more and more debilitated, she couldn't care for him well anymore. He became to difficult for her to assist in getting out of bed and he would call for her several times in the night to help him get to the bathroom. She was exhausted and she was starting to do damage to her back. It was a tough decision to tell my Dad he could no longer be cared for in his own home. He is doing so much better in the nursing home. It was a good decision for us all and he is quite happy there. He and his best friend there order out pizzas quite often and enjoy sitting outside most afternoons. The residents there are encouraged to do what they want as the nursing home is considered their home. They can bring in their personal furniture, to an extent, they can hang pictures on the walls of their rooms. We take my Dad out for holidays and family parties and he returns home as late as he wants. He has a beer or two when he's out with family and so far, it is a great situation for him.

My son got married in Jamaica in May and had a reception at home in June. I had to hire a private ambulance to get my Dad to and from the reception as he can longer easily or safely get into and out of a car. It was relatively inexpensive for the service the ambulance offered and my brother, sister and I split the tab. He is happy with his life at the nursing home though he misses the limits put upon him by his physical disabilities. He has made it clear when "his time comes" he is ready to go.
I hope if my folks ever end up in a home that were able to find a place like that. I hope it goes for my folks like it has with your dad. Good willing That's a long way off, I'm 29 and my parents are 59 and 60. If they can live happy into old age and be able to say when its time then its tine and they're Ok with that and can pass happily and peacefully
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