Aging Parents :( - Page 2
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Old 09-13-2013, 01:14 PM   #11
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Lots of great advice. One specific thing I would like to add is when getting all your information like gun safe combinations together, also include user names, passwords, and pin#'s to various on-line accounts. It can save whoever has POA a lot of time if they can access accounts on-line rather than make a lot of trips.

Also, you will encounter situations and won't really be sure what to do such has letting doctors give them medicines like Vicodin, or do you call an ambulance when they don't want you to. There are many situations in which you won't be sure what the best decision is. All you can do is make the best decision you can based on what you think that person would want, and then don't ever question those decisions later on. If you made the best decision you could based on what you think that person wanted then you have done all you can do and the rest is up to God. And remember that more often than not when you reach that point their are no good choices to be made. There's no good choice to be made in whether or not to give someone Vicodin. All you can do is try and make the best decision you can.

Don't let others that haven't had to make such decisions make you question yourself, and don't you ever question yourself later on.

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Old 09-13-2013, 02:58 PM   #12
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I am dealing with a mom that has a form of dimenia and dad that has been forced into the roll as primary care giver and who also had a quadrupal bypass in 2008 so I feel your pain. If it wasn't for him she would be in a nursing home now. Don't forget about the care givers as well. I have picked up some good info here, but keep in mind when giving important info to someone you trust, they may have spouses especially if money is involved. It has a way of changing people. I am there POA for a number of reasons, the main one being my brothers wife is a POS!!!

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Old 09-13-2013, 04:18 PM   #13
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This weighs on my mind as my parents age, but luckily I have three older siblings to consult and parents who have been open about their preferences.


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Great advice all, and C3 added the one I was going to mention. Make sure somebody knows the combo to the gun safes and where you have everything hidden. This means frigging everything. I can't tell you how often I hear about people who have found a safety deposit box key taped to the underside of a drawer from a dresser they got from their great grandmother, only to find that since she passed on 20 years ago the box is no longer accessible, or just as bad you don't know where it was located.
Former/late client of this office didn't really trust banks; his widow was digging up coffee cans on the fenceline for a while, seriously.
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Old 09-13-2013, 05:26 PM   #14
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This weighs on my mind as my parents age, but luckily I have three older siblings to consult and parents who have been open about their preferences.




Former/late client of this office didn't really trust banks; his widow was digging up coffee cans on the fenceline for a while, seriously.
That's why when I go metal detecting I specificity go down old fence lines around old home places. There were a lot of people that didn't trust banks in the past and they either didn't pass on info like where they buried their money or they didn't have anyone to pass it on to. I'm always a little sad when I do stumble onto buried money for that reason. I can't help but to wonder what happened to the person that buried it.
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Old 09-13-2013, 05:32 PM   #15
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This weighs on my mind as my parents age, but luckily I have three older siblings to consult and parents who have been open about their preferences.
This is exactly what I think of when I hear of "only" children. They don't have any siblings to help them out when their parents age. Even if it is a sibling to consult with and bounce options and ideas off. Aging parents would be a big burden for an only child.

My Dad signed a DNR and I will help him enforce it if and when the time comes.
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Old 09-13-2013, 05:42 PM   #16
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reading this just about brought a tear to my eye. my dad is in our health with copd and while he gets around Ok most of the time he has had a few close calls where I was the one to find him and call 911. I asked both of my parents to fill out a DPOA which mom did willingly. She's been in the situation where she had to make the calls for someone and years later she wonders if she made the right choices. dad on the other hand hasn't filed it out yet. He says whatever we decide as a group is fine with him and he trusts that we'll make the right choice but Im pretty sure he just doesn't want to think about it and face reality.

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Old 09-13-2013, 05:52 PM   #17
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reading this just about brought a tear to my eye. my dad is in our health with copd and while he gets around Ok most of the time he has had a few close calls where I was the one to find him and call 911. I asked both of my parents to fill out a DPOA which mom did willingly. She's been in the situation where she had to make the calls for someone and years later she wonders if she made the right choices. dad on the other hand hasn't filed it out yet. He says whatever we decide as a group is fine with him and he trusts that we'll make the right choice but Im pretty sure he just doesn't want to think about it and face reality.
The problem with that is not everyone is going to agree and it's going to turn into a raging family war. Beg him to make some decisions.
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Old 09-13-2013, 06:04 PM   #18
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I'm gonna talk to him about it again today while it's fresh on my mind

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Old 09-13-2013, 07:12 PM   #19
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I'm gonna talk to him about it again today while it's fresh on my mind
Maybe if you explain to him that it's better he make the choices he wants for himself and not leave it up to the family in a time of great stress and emotional trauma, it would be better for all involved. Tell him many families have had unsolvable arguments in making those tough decisions and one can never be sure the family is choosing what the patient himself would have wanted. Help him fill out the papers then have him sign it. When my Father assigned me as POA, we had the social worker at the hospital come and help him fill out the papers. It took me out of the picture of asking him some very difficult questions and it also involved a third party to witness there was no coercion and the decisions were truly my Father's decisions and not mine. The social worker had done this task many times and knew exactly how to do this and she signed as a witness to my Father's decisions. I signed saying I was accepting the job of being my Father's POA and that I would be sure his wishes would be carried out. I tell my Dad over and over he is still able to make decisions for himself and at this point in time, my job is to see that my Dad's needs and wants are taken care of. As he is still of sound mind and may need me to explain things to him more clearly, it is not yet my job to make any decisions for him. That time will come when he can no longer make his own decisions but he is definitely not there yet.
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Old 09-13-2013, 07:44 PM   #20
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As he is still of sound mind and may need me to explain things to him more clearly, it is not yet my job to make any decisions for him. That time will come when he can no longer make his own decisions but he is definitely not there yet.
Thanks for adding that. I see so many children trying to make decisions for their parents that are against their parents wishes while the parents are still able to make decisions for themselves. I can't stand to see that but it happens a lot. And I think that's perhaps the hardest thing for many elderly. They are often treated like children by their children instead of being given the respect they've more than earned.
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