The adventures of Private Eye Sarge
Back just after I married Lt. Linda and after I retired from the Army I decided to put my 16 yrs of Law Enforcement to work and I bought a small Private Investigation Agency. The owner was retiring and we got all his cases and files in the bargain. Now you can forget about all the romance, adventure, car chases, and danger that you see in the movies and TV series, in the real world most of those things do not happen. Well the danger does but I will get to that later.
Most of the bread and butter business of an Private Investigation Agency is simple things, that can be done at your computer. Like skip tracing, locating missing persons, etc. And our little 4 person agency easily handled that. Four persons, meant myself, Lt.Linda and a couple of buddies that I hired for back up and an occasional job assist. Also a lucrative side business is serving papers on people and companies. Being a Private Detective is about 99% dull, boring, routine business, and 1% shear terror. It is the 1% part that everyone wants to hear about.
This particular job my agency obtained was to find out why a major department store was missing high value clothing, like leather coats, name brand womens wear, and expensive costume jewlery.
So I suggested that they hire me on as a plain clothes security guard, because this would allow me to be in the store all day and would let me watch the employees and the customers.And as an added bonus I was a double dipper, getting paid as a employee (so that none of the office staff would know what I actually was) and being paid as a Private Investigator. After a couple of weeks with only catching a dozen small time shop lifters and no employees, I was thinking that we may have a sleeper. Now a 'sleeper' means someone that comes in the store just about closing time and hides all night, usually doing his stealing during the night and then using a fire exit or a window to get out. So I had myself moved to the night shift.
The guard on the night shift was happy for the company and he and I hit it off right away. We both liked guns. So unknown to the store we sneaked in some realistic pellet pistols and set up a little cardboard range to while away the time. Then one night we started to get odd alarm signals. The motion detectors kept going off and on investigation we found no one. The store we were working at was an old store in Denver. It had been there since the 1900's and had been remodeled many times which caused many odd spaces and rabbit warren halls and stairs that you could get anywhere in the building without going into the store.
I was convinced that we had a sleeper. And finally we found him on a TV scanner. If you are familiar with police work you might know that you can not just arrest someone for a simple thing like trespass and then try to get him for grand theft. So we had to wait until he actually stole something, not just wandered around the building. Sure enough we turned on all the cameras and found him stacking expensive clothes at the alley door. Which meant that he had an accomplice that would be driving into the alley, And in about 30 seconds or less they would have the car loaded and be gone. Tricky timing for an arrest. The local police were notified and told to stay away until we called them. We didn't want them accidently driving down the alley and messing up a good bust. So every thing was in place and we were just waiting with bated breath.
Then on one of the outside cameras a figure showed. It was a old bum with a bottle. And he sat down in the alley and begain to drink. OH NO! The crooks would see him and figure he was a undercover cop and they would flee and fast. So what to do. Then Sarge got an idea. So he took the target pellet pistol and ran up stairs, climbed out on the fire escape and as the ragged bum lifted the paper sack covered bottle, he took careful aim and shot a pellet at the bottle. Ping, it hit and richochet off. The street bum looked around at the sound and finally shook his head and started another drink. The second shot hit perfectly in the middle of the bottle and it exploded and showered the old miscreant with cheap wine. He jumped to his feet and like in a cartoon, ran this way and then that way and then just stood and shook a while. This would not do so Sarge took his third shot and hit the hand still clutching the remains of the sack clad bottle. That was enough for the bum and he went into high gear down the alley and exited out of sight.
And not a minute to soon, as he disappeared out the other end of the alley, a dark car entered this end. And here was Sarge, up above, crouching on the open exposed fire escape. The car stopped and the driver got out and opened the trunk then got back in the car, leaving the engine running. Luckily he had not looked up. Whispering into the radio, Sarge told the other guard to notify the police.
Too late, no sooner than he signed off the radio, the fire door burst open and the inside sleeper came running out with an arm load of leather jackets, and expensive clothes. He threw them in the trunk, slammed the trunk lid and jumped into the passenger door. What to do? The police would not be there in time.
Now this part I have never told Lt.Linda, so keep it under your hat.
Sarge climbed up on the fire escape rail and jumped. Yes, jumped down one story to land on the hood of the get-a-way car. A perfect landing and Sarge poked the BB gun towards the windshield and yelled, "HALT POLICE!! The look on the faces of the two crooks would have graced police stations nationwide if he had a camera to record it. Here they are with the perfect crime all ready in the bag when out of thin air comes a flying crusader with the biggest strangest looking gun they have ever seen and it is pointed right in their face. And they HALTED.
"Throw the keys out the window" Sarge yelled. And they DID.
"Put your hands on the windshield, NOW!" And they DID.
Then the long count of 10 went by and finally the sound of a police siren came floating through the air. And the flying crusader (Sarge) had 6 squad cars helping him. After all the usual police reports were finished one of the cops asked what kind of a gun was that, he had never seen one like that. Sarge laughed and aimed at the dumpster and "ping" went the pellet gun. And you know what? In all the excitement Sarge forgot that in his belt under his shirt was his real gun. But of course it was not as big, as strange or as dangerous looking. The end.
Sarge the flying crusader.
If a man strikes you on the cheek
Being a Christian the only thing you can do
Is to help him up off the ground.